Adventures With Alice Cooper

I always know I've crossed some line of propriety when I get no comments. Apparently taxidermied squirrels bizarrely frolicking for eternity (or until the moths and dust mites decimate them) crosses that line. Who knew?

Anywho, to my new readers, let it be said that I blend pretty well into my suburbia, doing the stay-at-home mom thing, even though I'm a gnome (see picture to right). I don't walk around wearing Metallica concert tee shirts and ripped up jeans, smoking and drinking a 40 on my front stoop.

Yes, I ride a motorcycle, which I haven't been out on in forever, but other than you, gentle readers, and a few others in my inner circle, no one knows that I do. I was a teacher for a decade before I stayed home, and I teach Sunday and vacation bible school. (It's all in an attempt to lull the defenseless masses into a false sense of security.)

So when I tell you this story, you'll know how crazy it really is.

Two weeks ago the Youngest Urchin was driving me out of my gourd with some revoltingly innocent video that I've completely repressed so that I can go on living a fruitful life. But at the time, it was boring into my brain and laying eggs. Suffice it to say, I made the move to have her choose some different viewing fare. We went to the video cabinet (yes, we still do videos), and she decided to choose a Muppet Show tape I had in the way back.

Now let it be known to one and all, I adore the original Muppets I grew up with. They are truly awesome and I revere Jim Henson as a creative genius. The only reason this one was shoved to the back is because it was the Vincent Price/Alice Cooper tape. The Oldest Urchin is a sensitive little soul who gets frightened easily, the Youngest Urchin? Not so much (read down towards the end and you'll see what I mean). But she was a little too young for it when I relegated the video to the back. Well, the Youngest Urchin starts pleading her case in her four year old terms.

"I love it, Mommy. I'm not afraid. I'm big. I like it now."

To which I replied, "You've never seen it."

The debate went back and forth, and in a fit of self preservation so that I didn't have to endure one more hearing of the other offensive video, I caved. It's the Muppets, for crying out loud. How harmful can it be?

So I put it in and the Youngest Urchin settles down to watch. Well, Vincent Price she could take or leave.

But Alice Cooper? He made a huge impression.

Urgent calls from the living room begin.

"Mommy! Where do we keep our capes?!?!" (A big scarf tied at two corners)

"In the dress-up bin."

"Mommy, Mommy go back! Alice Cooper is talking to me!"

Never before did it cross my mind that my four year old would ever utter those words.

So now Alice Cooper on the Muppet Show is her favorite. She pretends to be him. I hear her warbling Welcome to My Nightmare from the back seat. Her Barbies are now the ghost and monster band from the first skit. She wears her cape wherever we go. And when a well meaning adult smiles and comments how she's such a great super hero, she turns and replies, "I'm not a super hero. I'm Alice Cooper."

I just smile and nod as I lead her away from some stunned little old lady who looks at me askance.

Ahh, such is the life here at Chez Quinn.

So tell me, what's going on in your neck of the woods?