AtoZ The 3 R's Writing, Rummaging and Ridiculousness

Helooooooo Atozers! So glad you've stopped by! I'm trying to keep up with answering comments and visiting anyone who stops in (as well as venturing out to others), but please know that this is an extremely hectic time of year for me, which is why I decided to participate for the first time by utilizing reruns. So If I don't get to you now, be assured I will get to you later to share the love and the good karma!

Today we have the three R's of Tongue In Cheek...

Writing Rummaging and Ridiculousness

So, okay, those are the 3 Rs here at Tongue In Cheek. They may not necessarily be your three.

Anywho, here we go.

Writing
Yeah, pretty much nonexistent right now. The oldest Urchin has started up again with what brought her down last fall. And of course, every crazy test the doctors could think of was done to her. So they're at a loss as to what else to try. They just say inane things like, "Stay the course" and "A thousand points of light" and get me so irritated that I switch around everything in their exam room while we're left alone waiting. Yeah, that's right, search for those tongue depressors. Search for them!

Ahem. Sorry.

I've also been sick for the past week, so my drive is not what it should be. Getting out of bed takes so much effort that opening and editing a wip is more than I can stand right now.

But, I'm leaving on Friday morning for the New Jersey Romance Writer's conference. If I ever look up the directions on how to get there, that is. I attended two years ago, and found it worthwhile. Even though the fire alarm went off in the middle of the night at the hotel. So hopefully going to the conference will get some of my writing mojo to return.

Rummaging
I am a rummage sale junkie. I love a good rummage sale like stink bugs love my underwear drawer.

Whilst arriving early to a particularly good one late in the summer, I eyed the crowd. They were a feisty looking bunch. Frazzled moms with fidgety children, little blue-haired old ladies with huge shopping bags made of recycled plastic (you know, the ones with the sharp, pointy corners), unkempt, overweight, sweat pant wearing men with stringy comb overs.

Yes they were a well seasoned, yet motley crew of hard core rummage maniacs. This is the kind of crowd where the little old ladies will run you over with their wire baskets-on-wheels as soon as look at you. The unkempt men will use every available body odor in their human stink arsenal to clear a section they want. And the mommies will sic their little mucus encrusted darlings on your ass before you can say viscous liquids.

Hard. Core.

All they needed were some eye patches, peg legs and a touch of scurvy, and they'd be the masters of the Seven Seas.

So as I walked down the sidewalk, eyeing the line of competition, and receiving the hairy eyeball in return, I busted out my best professional wrestling announcer voice and yelled, "Let's get ready to RUUUUUMMMAAAAAAAGGE!!!!"

Everyone gave me a lot of room after that, leaving me to browse sections at my leisure. (I owe all my psychological warfare tactics to the sea monkeys.)

Ridiculousness
No, that last section wasn't the ridiculousness. Sheesh. This will be some random ridiculousness.

I found a dead, dried out, cracking apart stink bug.
In my underwear drawer. EEEEEEEEWWWWW! All right, that was more like the "What's Grosser Than Gross" jokes that permeated the early eighties. (You all remember those, right? What's grosser than gross? Finding out your brother's scab collection is missing after eating a bowl of Cornflakes.)

My Reign as the county 'Possum Queen is soon coming to an end, and I'll need to attend the Moonshine and Fried Possum Carnival in the first weekend of November to hand over my crown of taxidermied 'possums with rhinestone accents to the next queen. Ahh, the memories I'll be taking with me after this year of excitement. If you haven't accompanied me on the journey and missed it, check out the 'Possum Queen category to the right and catch up on all the 'possumy goodness this year has wrought.

So I'm off to get my annual haircut today for the writer's conference. My hair is ridiculously long. It reaches my waist. Time to get a few inches off.

So tell me. How are your writing, rummaging and ridiculousness going?

AtoZ 'Possum Queen Pimpin'

Q for Queen here for AtoZ today. Glad you stopped in on this awesome blog hop. Here at Tongue In Cheek I'm taking a walk down memory lane by revisiting some of the crazier adventures that have happen over here. We're currently ensconced in my reign as the county 'Possum Queen. So enjoy these two posts detailing the goings ons in my trailerhood.

Derelict 'Possum Queen

I've been very derelict in my 'Possum Queen duties as of late. So I figured I'd give you a special behind the scenes glimpse of the pageant.

There were many qualified contestants. Vera, for instance. She was some tough competition.



Here was one of our distinguished judges.



The talent competition was fierce. Between the hog calling and tying, the bologna frying and the goat yodeling, it definitely wasn't a cake walk. In the end, Berthalynn and her toilet seat/horseshoe throwing skills took it. Don't be confused by the mustache, folks. She's a sweet gal and a helluva kisser.



I was honored to receive the coveted crown from last year's 'Possum Queen, Pattikins Parker.



My lawn bowling experience and familiarity with pink flamingos pushed me over the top, though. As stated before, it didn't hurt that I had all my own teeth. It was a bit of a struggle to get the crown to stay on along with my pointy hat, but I think the over all effect was rather enticing.

Since I'm supposed to talk more about the merits of 'possum meat, I'll save the pictures of the bathing suit competition for a later date.

With Groundhog Day here and taking all the glory right now, the Eatin' 'Possum Council would like me, their current County 'Possum Queen, to say a few words about the varied possum-bilites of the edible possum - "The Third White Meat, Sorta".

There's broiled 'possum and grilled 'possum and don't forget canned creamed 'possum on toast, affectionately referred to as CRaP on a shingle. There's also fried bologna and possum casserole - heavy on the mayo- with potato chip crust.

So in your Super Bowl and Ground Hog Day festivities, don't forget to have some 'possum lying round the table for the party! I'm sure your guests will thank you.

Diversified 'Possum Uses

As the county's reigning 'Possum Queen for the Pot Bellied Processed 'Possum Products Company (tm), it was pointed out to me in the fine print of my contract that I should be endorsing, not only the company's fine product line of canned 'possum delights, but doing my "darned-tootinest" to further the best image of 'possum and 'possum related products.

So to that end, I offer my 'possummy endorsement of the following 'possum products and organization.

First and foremost, there's The Opossum Society of the United States. Though they focus more on keeping opossums alive instead of ingesting them.

You can also show your support by wearing your opossum on your sleeve, or wherever else you may want to.

Girls, let the world (or at least your trailer park) know of your 'possum pride. Announce your love of all things 'possum across your chest.



Guys, let the neighbors know just what you're grilling on the back porch.



Don't forget the special sauce!



For that touch of class, gents, you can always import your possum for that distinguished look to let your redneck town know you're a cut above the rest.

And ladies, for the ever discerning gal who endeavors to be her trailer park's trend setter, may I suggest 'possum nipple warmers? You'll be the envy of your trailerhood.



I know not much can follow that major statement of female 'possum fashion, but not to be outdone, men, you can even get a 'Possum Fur Willie Warmer. Apparently in several different sizes and colors.



So there you have it, folks. Your very own picture pile of 'possummy products. Let me know which are your favorites! I just can't decide.

AtoZ 'Possum Queen Swimsuit Competition

Welcome to Tongue In Cheek all you AtoZers! There are so many awesome blogs to go and visit on this hop. It's amazing all the things people are coming up with to blog about this year.

Over here at Tongue In Cheek, you're getting, "Ava's Backstory, Six Years of the Greatest Reruns this Blog Has to Offer." And boy are you getting an eyeful today. Yesterday, for the the letter O, I reran the announcement and recap of the day I became my county's 'Possum Queen. Today for the letter P you're getting...

The 'Possum Queen Swimsuit Competition

Yes, gentle readers, it's here.

The 2010 'Possum Queen Swimsuit Competition. Now, if you're about to eat, please be sure to choose 'Possum the other white meat, sorta- and stop back a little later. I wouldn't want to be responsible for any stomach illnesses due to the viewing of the following pictures.

With that thinly veiled warning in mind - let's get started!

Bib overalls were a popular choice that day, but SaraLee really pulled them off with her mullet combo.

As always in our scrappy little county, we had some do-it-yourselfers. With a bit of duct tape and a whole lotta ingenuity, there were some stunning pieces. But none so stunning as this bathing suit creation. BerthaLynn really went all out, didn't she?



Some of the judges/carny ride operators seemed pleased with the results too.



Darlene almost walked away with it with her Baywatch tribute.



So I knew I needed to bump up my game. I gathered my courage and decided I'd go . . . Topless. It was a little risque, but I thought it was tastefully done, don't you?



It seemed to please the judges...

Robert Sullivan  /  AFP - Getty Images file

because I was crowned later that day.

Not only were bathing suits abounding that day, but love was in the air. A sweet couple met the first evening of the County Moonshine and Fried 'Possum Carnival at the swimming hole.



By the final day of the three day festivities, after much careful consideration, they decided to take the plunge right there where they first met.























And in the end, a good -yet messy- time was had by all.

AtoZ- (O)Possum Queen

Helloooooo AtoZers! I'm so glad I signed up for the AtoZ challenge, brain child of Arlee Bird. I hope you've been enjoying all the cool cats that have joined in on the fun. There's a list to the right in my sidebar of all the participants. Just click on the badge to check them out.

I'm deep in the middle of all my environmental field day planning and manufacturing. (315 elementary kids, 43 parent volunteers, 14 science stations, 2 days, 1 outdoor state park. And a committee of ONE. That would be me. I'm tearing my hair out at the moment.) So please forgive me for not visiting and responding right now. I will be getting back to all of you and following you all if I can (I don't have a wordpress or facebook page, so those are tougher for me to figure out how to follow, but I'll be over to comment in the near future.) I'm sooo thankful for the comments from you guys. I swear that's the only thing keeping me going at the moment.

Anywaaayyy...here at Tongue In Cheek, my AtoZ theme is past zaniness from the years I've been blogging. So today we have a post from 2010. In that year, I began my reign as the county's 'Possum Queen. Here are my first statements as Trailer Trash Royalty.

As The New Reigning 'Possum Queen . . .

I would like to make my first official comments to the world. First of all, I'd like to thank the community who attended the Moonshine and Fried Possum Carnival for all your heartfelt, yet odoriferous votes. As I stood on the Pot Bellied 'Possum stage with the other contestants, waiting for last year's queen to place her hand above my head so you all could belch your approval, tears gathered in the corners of my eyes. To be the recipient of the loudest belches from the crowd and thereby earning the crown was an experience I will never forget.

Then, to have the Pot Bellied Pooh Bah in his possum fur covered fez lead you all in the 'Possum Salute as I took my first walk wearing the Possum crown across the dais, well, there just aren't words. The silent mock death salute with raised hands curled, eyes rolled back and tongues hanging in the breeze- it's just too much to take.

And the crown! The taxidermist that created it with the mama possum saluting at the front and all her babies doing the salute perched on her back as they peek around her? It's just breath taking. And I've never seen rhinestones used in such a unique way before. I'll wear it to all my Pot Bellied 'Possum functions knowing that every 'Possum Queen before me wore it with pride.

Now for the naysayers out there. You know who you are (Berthalynn and Elmeretta). I did not win because I was the only contestant with all her teeth. I'll have you know that I also shave my armpits and have mastered the mysteries of the bathtub. So back off!

As for my duties as this year's reigning 'Possum Queen. I swore the oath to do my darned tootin-est to represent the entire line of canned Pot Bellied Processed 'Possum Products to the best of my ability. From Creamed 'Possum to 'Possum Roadkill Stew. From hash to grits and all affiliated gravies and desserts in between. I will do it with possum pride in my heart. Thank you for voting me your new 'Possum Queen. I salute you!

AtoZ Theme Reveal at Tongue In Cheek

I bit the bullet and decided to join the AtoZ blog hop this year, and I can't wait. For the past few years, I've diligently gone to visit the participants and enjoyed discovering so many other cool cats out in the bloggerverse.

This year, I've even gone so far as to join the Theme Reveal! So be sure to check out all the other cool kids joining in!

And now without further ado, I give you my AtoZ Theme "She Actually Posted That?-The best reruns this blog has to offer."

Why does Ava talk about sea monkeys so much? Why do the demon rhythms of the polka strike fear into Ava's heart? What exactly is a Polkapocalypse? When did Ava attempt to be a super villian? How long was her reign as the local county 'Possum Queen? Why did she write about Karaoke in the Pokey (prison)? Just how much does she love rummage? Will she entertain us with her musings on mullets or mutton chops when it's the day for the letter M?

The answers to these questions and many more will be revealed during the month of April. I really wanted to participate during this extremely hectic time of year, so the way I could do it was by tapping some of the six years of bizarre posts I have. They'll be all new to anyone who hasn't stopped by before, and for my followers now, there are plenty in here you ain't seen yet. So it's a win/win all around.

 I'm looking forward to meeting new friends to come and visit me in the asylum, and going out to other blogs to check in on the goings ons. Can't wait until April first! Until then, citizens!

Time - Who's Got It?

I sure as heck don't. I've been crazy busy this past week and a half. And I don't see an end in sight. Last year I got very stern with myself. I was working on saying no. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten much better at it.

Tonight I have a "Britches"* meeting to attend where I will be discussing the kid's activities I'll be in charge of for the New Year's Eve drop in my community.

*It's called this because the little old lady in charge had a five foot tall by five foot wide pair of pants (breeches) custom made that we lower from a flag pole at midnight. Yes, I'm telling the truth, and surprisingly, no, it wasn't my idea.

It's about 6 of us running the entire thing. And I'm the young blood. Sigh. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Blue haired little old ladies are my Kryptonite. I cannot say no to them. I've scaled back my part in these proceedings to upkeeping the website I designed for them and planning and running children's activities until 10 pm. I used to solicit funds and food donations, and distribute advertising flyers as well. But this year with my new job, I've had to be firm with the "blue hairs".

I also volunteered to run the environmental field day for my girls' schools in the spring. I did this last year and it took a toll. I developed two curriculums, aligned to the state's science standards incorporating outdoor science education activities and ran both days at the local state park. I created all the activities, shopped for all the supplies, recruited and organized all the volunteers, busing, park naturalist, and more. Now I need to start thinking about this year's new curriculums and start researching activities. Not looking forward to giving up my writing time for that.

So in the interest of saving time, I've gathered some great holiday shopping ideas for us all.

First up- Kiss Pez.

Yes, gentle readers, now you can get your sweet tooth and your rock on at the same time.

It even includes a collector's tin! Now how much would you pay?

Here is yet another way to immortalize Gene Simmons and his tongue. Because we can't have too many renderings of that.

Many of you remember the year I was the county's 'Possum Queen. I was really busy that year with all my trailer park grand re-openings, but I still stand by my endorsed 'possum products. Though, the opossum fur willie warmer is not for the faint of heart.

And as always, you can find excellent gifts for all your angry mob needs at my online store, The Angry Villager. While you're ordering your engraved pitchfork, be sure to tell the operator standing by that I sent you. It's good for 8% off your total order.

Hope this helps with your holiday shopping and saves you lots of time! I aim to please.

Follow Fest at Tongue In Cheek

Hi everybody! I found out about the Follow Fest at the last minute, and couldn't help but join in, even though I've never participated in a blog hop/fest before. Thanks to Melissa Maygrove for coming up with such a great idea! Be sure to check out all the cool authors signed up by clicking the Follow Fest picture above.

Now for the questions. 

Name: Ava Quinn

Fiction or nonfiction? Fiction. (Though everything on this blog is true. Except for the stuff that isn't.)

What genres do you write? Contemporary Western Romance.

Are you published? Not Yet.

Do you do anything in addition to writing? I mom, I work with a room full of three year olds 4 days a week, and I write. Did I mention that I mom?

Where can people connect with you?

Here at Tongue in Cheek or at my website avaquinn.com.

Blog - Tongue In Cheek - A Blog That Doesn't Quite Take Itself Seriously
Twitter- @AvaQuinnWrites  

Is there anything else you’d like us to know?

I'm currently the president of my local chapter of Romance Writers of America. I ride a motorcycle. I'm the former 'Possum Queen of my county. I battle against the Sea Monkey tribe attempting to take over my bathtub when not trying to convert them to be my minions. And I occasionally find time to write.

Sweat, Snot and Tears

Only one was mine.*

Yes, these are the joys of working with three year olds. I didn't list all the bodily fluid combinations that I may or may not come in contact with each day. I'm classy like that.

So the new job is in full swing, and I'm exhausted. I should be working on my manuscript as we speak, but I figured blogging is close enough at the moment. I'm trying to psych myself up and convince my decrepit, aging body that I have energy to spare. So far my body isn't buying it.

I'm having fantasies about hijacking a tractor trailer full of Red Bull. I think this is how addictions start and then later how I end up in the papers. I'll keep you posted.

Any advice or home remedies for exhaustion? Do you have a bootleg recipe for an energy drink? I can easily get my hands on a still, being as I'm the former county 'Possum Queen and all. Lay it on me in the comments!


* That would be sweat.

My Mom Loved the Roller Derby!

Like daughter like mother, apparently. Last Sunday, yes Father's Day, my mom, the BFF and I went to the local roller derby bout. It was just as intense and fun and awesome as I'd remembered, and my mom loved it.

Fast hard-hitting action

There was even chocolate covered bacon on a stick to be had. As many of you know from my 'Possum Queen carny days, fried stuff on a stick is a rare treat for me, but surprisingly, I wasn't enticed to try these.

Along with chocolate covered breakfast meats, there was a local live band.

Saints of Sorrow

I didn't get too close for fear of being labeled a groupie. I'm much too old and dignified for that. So I pretended I was taking a picture of the guy in front's butt. The band was good, and even had my mom bopping along to the heavy metal beat.

Mom was so into the whole experience that she even wore one of my coveted home-team jerseys to the bout. I wore this one. And the BFF got me an entirely new one that night for my birthday!! Check it out!

Do you feel the mash up love?

So a great time was had by all. Including my seventy year old mother.

She visited for two weeks from Montana, and left two days ago. That, along with bylaw revisions, finaling in a writing contest and the wrap up of the two environmental field days I ran for 183 and 132 kids respectively, the final days of the school year for my Urchins,  and my oldest Urchin's dance recital tonight, I have been regretfully absent from my blog.

But that will change. All the lovely crazy that I can cram in will be here in future days. Though, I have vowed to take more time for my writing, so I may slip some more of that in here around all the lunacy. We'll see how that works.

So what have you been up to for the past few weeks? Inquiring mind (my own) wants to know!

T.i.C. 2012 in Review- Finally

So have you noticed that I haven't been very keen on reviewing last year? The hostile polka takeover notwithstanding, it was one of the hardest years of my life. I'm trying to change my perception of it and look on the bright side. My oldest daughter and my father DIDN'T die in the same week. And I had a whole extra year with my beloved dog. But I'm not quite there yet. So let's do this thing.

Here is a truncated version of what went on at Tongue in Cheek during 2012.

January
I handed over my taxidermied 'Possum Queen crown to the 2012 winner. I extolled the virtues of the band OK Go. And I gave the 2011 wrap up. Also late. Hmm, I'm seeing a trend.

February
In February, the first rumblings of discontent in the Eastern European Polka community reached my trailerhood. I got an awesome Valentine's Day present from The Man. I ruminated on the different search items that got you to me (including possum ninja and big belly overalls.). And I had my annual Groundhog Day freakout.

March
The Polka terrorists took over Tongue in Cheek. (I advise against watching the clip. I'd hate to be responsible for what happens.) I was able to get a message out to my loyal readers that the Polka Mafia was going down. The Polka Empire struck back. But the gnomes and rednecks were victorious in the end. Though not without some casualties.

April
The party celebrating the definitive victory over the lederhosen wearing enemy went on for days. I finally had to boot out the squatters. Then since you, gentle readers, were exposed to large doses of polka due to the takeover, I felt it my duty to stage a group polka intervention. I then obsessed about my writing.

May
In May I went to the local roller derby to watch a bout. It was awesome. My BFF went mad, demanding that we would be going mechanical bull riding. Then my father had a heart attack. And then just a few days later my oldest had an emergency appendectomy that became very complicated.

June
Got the oldest Urchin home and repaid all your kind words with reruns for the rest of the month. Sorry about that, but things were a bit busy with recovery efforts.

July
The oldest Urchin had a six week recovery time, plus easing back into things slowly after that, so July is also a bit sparse. Though, of course the sea monkeys, who always fight dirty, made a territory grab that month. They expanded their terrain from the upstairs bathtub to the fish tank. They are still continuing their efforts to control the freakishly large carny goldfish living there.

August
August brought a real grab bag of musings. I postulated on Sea Monkeys and carny food as I prepared for the fair in the back yard. I went to the roller derby again. And I harkened back to my old boy bands of yore. Menudo anyone?

September
September brought more roller derby, vigilante knitters, and more Sea Monkeys. Among other things.

October
In October, I showed signs of getting old, my mother came to visit, spurring a new hobby interest that involves roadkill, and I wished you a happy Halloween Ray Harryhousen style.

November
Author Delynn Royer stopped by and answered the standard interview questions here at Tongue in Cheek. She scored well on the Sea Monkey S.A.T. portion. I shared some music from modern blues singer, Seasick Steve and bemoaned the evilness of voice mail. I supported some local authors (Natalie Damschroder and Megan Hart) at their book signing. And strange things were heard from the back of the minivan.

December
I lost the best dog I'd ever known to cancer and I turned into a chrysalis. Again.

So there it is in all its nut shell glory. A brief recap of 2012 here at Tongue in Cheek. I hope last year treated you better than it did me.

Here's to a happy, healthy 2013 for all!

Sea Monkeys and Carny Food- But Not at the Same Time

I have been busier than a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest. I can't even begin to tell you all the different ways I've been pulled. The blue- hairs have one of my legs, the Urchins have the other, Ebay and Craigslist have an arm. Church and back-to-school have the other arm, and my brain is about to go super nova.

So sorry for the blog silence. I know you all wait with bated breath for me to post here.

When we last left each other, the Sea Monkeys were making their move by bending the carny goldfish to their evil will. Well, check it out. I have photo positive proof that they are in cahoots.

Check out the creepy fog. They're in there. Don't you doubt it.

The levels of aggression on the big orange one have gone through the roof. I need a counter-strike option stat.

On top of this, the carnival is in my back yard again. Once a year for four glorious days, the back yard is inhabited by the craziest carnies you've ever met. The urchins ride rides, I eat nothing but fried things on sticks, washed down with funnel cake and people-watch some of the best characters humanity has to offer. Ahhh, life is good.

I'll have all the latest carny reports for you in a few days after I claw my way out of my diabetic coma. So, for your carny fulfillment, I'll leave you with two takes on carnivals. The first is my own romantic musings after a close encounter with a carnival ride operator working in the back yard.

The second are the judges of the 'Possum Queen swimsuit competition I won last year. As they say, a picture's worth a thousand words. Unfortunately, you'll be a bit speechless after you take a gander at these.

Until next time, citizens!

A Lid For Every Pot


The 'Possum Queen Swimsuit Competition Recap

Emergency Re-Runs

I was going to do a post today about my long,  torrid and completely one-sided love affair with Bruce Campbell . . .

My dreamboat via hitfix.com

But that will have to wait for a while. I found out yesterday that my father had some sort of a heart attack and is in the hospital, so I will probably not be around the internets for a while. I'll be checking in on all those great blogs that I read at a later date, and will be scheduling some re-runs for the time being. I don't think I'll be flying out to Montana, but I don't know what the full situation is yet.

So enjoy the Tongue In Cheek zaniness from the past, starting with last year's Memorial Day celebration - 'Possum Queen style.

Grilled 'Possum Memorial Day BBQ

I Don't Have Much Time

They've infiltrated the blog. It's the schnitzel truck. They've hacked in and are broadcasting their polka agenda like some crazed military state from inside it. That truck is decked out with state of the art equipment. There may even be satellite involvement. I'm getting the Gnome Team assembled, but it's going to take time.

I do have some local back-up. Remember those sad rednecks that were ready to pledge their allegiance to the 'Possum Queen? Well, they're ready to roll.



They even have a little surprise in store for the schnitzel truck.

I can't say more. This line is being monitored. But don't fall for the polka propaganda. Ava Quin is still anti-polka!

The Reign Is Done

Yes, I've been coming to grips with the end of my year long reign as the County 'Possum Queen and therefore my spokes-queen status for the Canned Pot Bellied Processed 'Possum Products Company.

It was a beautiful run, laced with all the canned and processed opossum I could eat or store for later.



But the memories and the people are the things I'll treasure most. The carnies, the local rednecks, the workers at the 'possum processing plant, the Grand 'Possum Poohbah, the other contestants. Even Berthalynn and all her naysaying criticisms. (Yes, I have all my teeth. You don't. Let it go, already!)

The glamorous events that I made many a special appearance at during my year of 'possum promoting. All the trailer park grand re-openings, the Pork-N-Possum Feeding Trough restaurant chains I made many a 'possum, the other white meat, sorta pitches in. And who can forget my coronation at the Moonshine and Fried 'Possum Carnival?

I was once again there to pass my rhinestone encrusted taxidermied crown to the next generation of County 'Possum Queen. The locals had created a petition of sorts to keep me as the permanent 'Possum Queen of the county. Likening me to their very own Ellie May Clampett, there was a loud protest against the termination of my reign. Though I was extremely flattered by their comparisons, I knew it was time to step down.

After I passed the crown to this year's winner,



Many a redneck needed time alone to collect their thoughts.



Others took time for quiet reflection.



Still others were paralyzed with disbelief that I would actually step down.





Though I'm sad to give up the title, I know it's for the best. Thanks for coming along for the ride with me. And a heartfelt possumy "thank you" to all those who supported me. Cheers!

The Late 2011 T.i.C. Wrap Up

Here I am, in the second week of 2012, and I still haven't done my wrap up of 2011. Well, I'm here to remedy that right now.

There were so many ludicrous and bizarre happenings around here last year, I don't quite know where to start. Oh yeah, how about at the beginning, hmmm?

January
I let it slip that I still wanted Freezy Freakies. I explained why I loved crappy books, and strange things were heard from the back of the minivan. I also declared B. B. King to be a national treasure.

February
February was a ruthless bitch. The oldest urchin was going through her cat scan and blood tests, and my writing was completely derailed (and I'm not sure I've gotten back to it since). Though in the beginning of the month, I gave a behind the scenes look at the 'Possum Queen selection process and the Moonshine and Fried 'Possum Carnival.

March
In March, I detailed my tour of the local Army Navy Surplus store in our area and admitted to other field trips I wanted to go on. But I had no takers to go with me. Crazy. It was also filled with author interviews. Susan Gourley. Misty Simon. And Natalie Damschroder. They all aced the Sea Monkey S.A.T. portion of the interview. I also enumerated many of the diversified uses of 'Possum.

April
Author interviews continued with Vicky Burkholder and Megan Hart. I was also interviewed as the 'Possum Queen at Sue Gourley's blog. So interviews and other nonsense abounded.

May
I announced my new #1 field trip to go on is to the roller derby. It was my writer's RETREAT!! I shared some very crass Krass Brother's (store of the stars!) commercials I grew up with. And fulfilled my 'Possum Queen duties by plugging 'possum (the second other white meat, sorta) for your Memorial Day BBQ.

June
Besides the usual nonsense, the youngest urchin got nursemaid's elbow, and the oldest urchin contracted Lyme Disease. We'll just move on.

July
Summer re-runs, my latest addiction and The 'Possum Queen swimsuit competition were the highlights.

August
The backyard carny came to town! The second carny report was railroaded by the possibility of a skunk in my cellar.

September
My latest obsession of sideburn art was revealed. And I shared my new discovery of the many uses of taxidermied squirrels.

October
I discussed the three R's at Tongue In Cheek. Writing was only one of them. Rummaging and Ridiculousness were the other two. I also recapped the NJRW's conference.

November
I invented the game of stinkbug chicken and played it with the Man - though he didn't know. I also opened my store, The Angry Villager.

December
I wrote several open letters to the craziness at Chez Quinn. I expressed my desire to stage a coup of my Zumba class.

So there are the highlights of 2011. Some of my greatest hits are in there. Thanks for coming along on the ride. So, what were your greatest 2011 hits?

Strange Craziness With a Side of Links

Okay. I know. I'm sorry. I still haven't finished my post about the end of my 'Possum Queen Reign. But it's hard, you know? An entire year as Roadkill Royalty. That's hard to give up. So look for that post coming soon.

In the mean time, I wanted to share some wonderfully bizarre happenings. First, this coming in under the not-so-wonderful-but barely-bizarre category, I found another stinkbug in my underwear drawer. This one? Alive. What the hell is it with my underwear that apparently fascinates stinkbugs to no end? Wait. Don't answer that.

I'm also still playing stinkbug chicken with The Man. I think he might still be winning. It's hard to tell.

And last month I participated in The Greatest Scavenger Hunt The World Has Ever Seen. Sponsored by GISHWHES and Misha Collins. Natalie Damschroder and I got to be on the same team, but they split us up from Megan Hart, Misty Simon and Vicki Smith. I think Misha knew we'd be an unbeatable combination. Thank you Megan for finding the hunt. It was jolly good fun!

They have a schwag shop where you can buy souveniers from this year's hunt. I'm partial to the Bacon Babes calendar if anyone's still looking for a Christmas present for me. (Though no one ever got me the ninja-breadmen cookie cutters I asked for last year.)

So, what strange craziness has been going on in your life?

Open Letters to the Craziness at Chez Quinn

Dear Possessed and Dying Toy That I Can't Find,

Stop playing your death knell every time I come in to the dark living room at six thirty in the morning to turn on the light and scaring the bejeezus out of me. Your warbling is freaking me out. Either show yourself so I can put you out of your misery or JUST DIE ALREADY!!

Sincerely Yours,
Ava


Dear Feral Cat,

Quit storming the damn house! I will not let you in no matter how many times you try to dart inside. I'm not a cat person and you're making my limping fifteen year old dog insecure since she can't run you off. Keep your mangy ass out of my house!

Yours Truly,
Ava


Dear Youngest Urchin,

Stop asking me what something means and then halfway through my explanation try and drown me out with I knows. I understand you're only four, but it's driving me crazy.

I love you! xoxo
Mommy


Dear Upstairs Toilet,

Will you just do your damn job and flush consistently already? You're driving me bat-shit-crazy with the plunging every damn day! Just frickin' flush right!

Yours Respectfully,
Ava

Ahhhhh, now that I have that out of my system I can tell you what I really came here to tell you. My Reign as the County 'Possum Queen has come to an end. Sorry if that announcement was too abrupt. Maybe I should have eased you into it a little, but, alas, I'm one of those rip-the-band-aid-off-and-deal-with-it kind of people.

Anyway, it happened early last month, but it's been a little too hard to talk about until now. I will give you the entire run-down of that sad day later this week to give you time to adjust to the news.

Until then, tell me what craziness you'd like to address with an open letter.

Carny In T Minus Two Hours

And I'm all a-quiver. In less than two hours I will be dining on all things carny. Not only that, but I will be in hill-billy-watching hog heaven. Although it's not as educational as the Moonshine and Fried Possum Carnival where I was crowned as the 'Possum Queen for the county, but it'll still be one helluva hoe down.

And the food! If it's deep fried and you can shove it on a stick, it will be in my hand.

Now, it won't be all fun and games for me. I'll need to put in a royal appearance. Do the glad handing and the photo ops, as per my contractual obligation to the Pot Bellied Processed 'Possum Products corporation. I will be wearing the taxidermy crown for at least one hour. Good thing it's not as hot as it has been.

So I will hopefully be watching all the crazed rednecks, carny operators and their significant others as the carny takes off full blast in my back yard.

Ahhh, life doesn't get any better than this.

The Possum Queen Swimsuit Competition

Yes, gentle readers, it's here.

The 2010 'Possum Queen Swimsuit Competition. Now, if you're about to eat, please be sure to choose 'Possum the other white meat, sorta- and stop back a little later. I wouldn't want to be responsible for any stomach illnesses due to the viewing of the following pictures.

With that thinly veiled warning in mind - let's get started!

Bib overalls were a popular choice that day, but SaraLee really pulled them off with her mullet combo.

As always in our scrappy little county, we had some do-it -yourselfers. With a bit of duct tape and a whole lotta ingenuity, there were some stunning pieces. But none so stunning as this creation. BerthaLynn really went all out, didn't she?



Some of the judges/carny ride operators seemed pleased with the results too.



Darlene almost walked away with it with her Baywatch tribute.



So I knew I needed to bump up my game. I gathered my courage and decided I'd go . . . Topless. It was a little risque, but I thought it was tastefully done, don't you?



It seemed to please the judges, because I was crowned later that day.

Robert Sullivan  /  AFP - Getty Images file

Not only were bathing suits abounding, but love was in the air. A lovely couple met the first evening of the County Moonshine and Fried 'Possum Carnival at the swimming hole.



By the final day of the three day festivities, after much careful thought, they decided to take the plunge right there where they first met.























In the end, a good time was had by all.

Grilled 'Possum Memorial Day BBQ

What Memorial Day weekend is complete without a barbecue? And as your reigning 'Possum Queen, I'd be remiss in my duties if I didn't remind y'all about the interesting and economical choice of 'possum for your grill!

Here's the "before" version -



And here's the "after".

Now, doesn't that look delicious?

Don't forget to stock up on all those yummy 'possum sauces and things. I'm sure your local grocer has plenty of these on the shelf for this holiday weekend.



So, to make this Memorial Day unforgettable, run right out and get a mess of 'possum - the third white meat, sorta*.




*copyright Pot-Bellied Processed 'Possum Co. All rights reserved.