Your Group Polka Intervention

Yes, it's here. I'm very concerned about the polka levels that were unfortunately inflicted here at Tongue In Cheek during the hostile takeover. I feel responsible to any who may have come under the influence of the polka and need to get clean.

But what is the antithesis of polka? Well, citizens, the answer to that is very personal to each individual. Though after years of heading research into this conundrum, I feel qualified to offer a solution.

When I had to stage the polka intervention for my parents last year, I administered liberal amounts of Burt Bacharach and other easy listening paragons. As was the recommended daily allowance in their age bracket for neutralizing the demon rhythms the polka brings out in us all.

So In an attempt to be all-encompassing in my intervention strategies, I will break down and personalize each reader's polka intervention by age group. Please choose your individualized intervention wisely and honestly. And remember, it's up to you to work your program.

0-12 years of age



13-18 years of age



19-30 years old


31-45


46-60


61-1,000


So work your programs, Citizens. And remember- Only you can prevent polka infestations.