Sunday, June 30, 2013

My Opthalmologist Tried To Shiv My Eye

Okay, that might be a bit of an overstatement. But still, it was a terrifying encounter.

So I'm in the chair at the eye doctor with my chin on the chin rest, and the ocular device that always reminds me of some type of steam punk contraption is lowered in front of my eyes. And I'm feeling a bit like Hannibal Lecter in his face cage. I refrained from telling the doctor I loved his suit. (Yay me. Look at my growth in the self restraint department.)

Anywho, the bright white light is shining in my eye, so all I have is my peripheral vision, and all the while the doctor is quietly talking in eye doctor jargon to the nurse about what he sees. All of the sudden I catch him saying in his low monotone, ". . . a lash on lower right epilating."

My brain latched onto that word, epilating. I knew I'd heard it before or some derivation thereof. And then I remembered it deals with skin and the epidermis. Then my brain jumped to The EPILADY! (Cue voice of doom.)

That's when I see him reach down and grab the hugest, pointiest pair of tweezers I've ever seen and start raising them towards my eye! I don't even have time to blink. Literally. And then they are at my eye and I can only see the edges of what's going on because the white light is still blinding me and I'm trying to talk myself down from going towards the light in a whole Poltergeist sort of way and then he grabs my eyelash and rips it out of my head.

It hurt like hell! And yet I survived to tell the tale.

The doctor acted like he was doing me a favor since apparently it was poking my eye. Which I didn't feel. Though for two days after I felt exactly where he'd ripped it out of my eyelid.

So, eyelash plucking. Apparently just one more service my ophthalmologist offers that I  really could have done without.

So have you ever had unexpected adventures in the doctor's office? Or is it just me?


Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

I have a really good story about one of my sons at the pediatrician but I'll leave him out of this. Good job not going toward the light.

M.J. Fifield said...

I would've been out of there as soon as he picked up the tweezers. There would've been a me-shaped hole in the wall.

Ava Quinn said...

I respect you for your restraint, Sue. Unlike me who outs my girls here at the blog on a regular basis.

Ava Quinn said...

LOL, Melissa! I can envision it ala Wile E. Coyote style.

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