Is Redneck Contagious?

I grew up outside of Philly, a pretty cosmopolitan place. Theaters, concerts, museums, cheese steaks, you know, the works. Now I'm out here in the Boonies. (For clarifications purposes, the Boonies are about two steps closer to civilization than the Sticks.) Now, I like my area. Wild life comes right into the yard. Farms, though fewer than before, can still be seen as I drive from place to place. But I find myself still suffering from some culture shock. Not as acutely as when I first moved here, but culture shock just the same.

Every Wednesday night I tune out the sounds of gunfire as the block shoot goes on at the fire hall down the road from me. What is a block shoot, you may ask? It's where an establishment sets up a block of wood and guys come out and shoot it with their rifles. (No lie) I'm pretty sure the best shot wins a hank of ham. Truly, I'm not making this up.

We have off school the Monday after Thanksgiving because it's the first day of deer season. Again. Not making this up. Apparently, between the teachers and students, the school board feels there would be too many absences to justify holding classes.

At the local fireman's fair every year, there is an antique tractor show where the locals show off their old restored tractors. One of the highlights of the fair is the tractor parade.

And now, my husband has developed a new hobby. He's brewing hard cider in my kitchen. Kick-a-poo Joy Juice is fermenting not ten feet from me as I write. I married a closet moonshiner!!

I tried to fight it for 10 years, but this past year they've started to get their clutches in me as well. I now listen to . . . country music! And I like it!! I'm so afraid that it's a case of the pod people coming and taking over my body. Is redneck contagious, or is it something that lye soap could cure? Either way, pods or infectious disease, if I start hearing dueling banjos, I'm outta here!