Friday, December 30, 2011

Why I'm Not Here

My wonderful border collie, Sox, is dying. She's deteriorating every day, but I haven't reached that horrendous edge where having her here is harder than her being gone. It's killing me that I have the power to hold her life in my hands. That one decision from me makes her gone from us forever.

She's the first dog that I've had in my adult life. And the stories I could tell you about how amazing she is will have to wait until the overwhelming ache subsides when I think of her, healthy and out of pain.

So this is where I am, and I wish I weren't. But doesn't everyone when this point comes?


M.J. Fifield said...

I'm so, so sorry, Ava.

Ava Quinn said...

Thanks, Melissa. I knew you'd understand.

Karen Gifford said...

I know you don't know me, but I went through this same thing last year with my 9 year old Yellow Lab, Tommi Girl. I didn't want to have to be the one to make that decision, I think that is God's decision. Then when she couldn't walk anymore, my sister who was crying with me and lying on the floor with my dog all afternoon with me, said some things that made me realize it was time and it was for the best. I think that was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I cried and cried when they put her down, the vet was so caring, she cried with me too, and she let me stay in the room with her until I was ready to leave her. I feel your pain and just wanted to let you know. :(

Ava Quinn said...

Thank you so much, Karen. My girl's still hanging on, getting around on three legs (one of her legs is completely riddled with bone cancer), and eating. So, she's still here and I'm making her life as comfortable as possible. I just hope I have the strength and unselfishness that you have to be able to make the right decision when the time comes.

Thanks for your kind words of wisdom and sharing what happened with your sweet lab. It really helped.


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