Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Dangers of Polka

There was a tee shirt I found a year ago that I should have bought as a reminder of the dangers of polka. It read, "I cannot resist the demon rhythms of the polka." Now it just may be too late.

There should have been constant vigilance on my part to keep the polka demons at bay. But the overwhelming oomp pah pahs have forced their way into my family. I should have seen the signs, but being so far away, my parents slipped right under my radar.

It started out small. You know, easily dismissible signs. The quiet polka record playing in the background when I call. Dad wearing a loud shirt in a recent picture. Mom's vehement defense of the pairing of clarinet and tuba. Oh, I should have seen it sooner.

But now they're watching this tv program every night: WARNING - DO NOT WATCH THE ENTIRE PROGRAM. HIGH RISK OF POLKA INFECTION.

So now I'm going to have to have a polka intervention before something irreversible occurs. Something like this:

And that is just so wrong. I have to protect them from themselves - before it really gets out of hand. I can see where they're headed. The ultimate in vile polka.

OHH the inhumanity!!! I need to prepare a detox program stat. I'm sending liberal doses of easy listening. Gordon Lightfoot, Burt Bacharach, Lionel Richie. Anything to deaden the polka effect. Hopefully I'll be able to pull them back from the edge before they start buying matching lederhosen.

*bone wracking shudder*


Victoria said...

It's a fear for all parents, mine included. Intervention might be the only way. The last video scares me to death!
Good luck!
And be careful you don't watch too many of these videos while you're searching for a way to help them or we might have to have a polka intervention for you at the retreat! If I hear polka music coming from your room I will dial 911!!!

:) V.

Haleine said...

A store in which I worked a while back had a satellite music system which contained a polka music channel. As the manager, I had control of the remote and would put it on the polka music channel any time I thought the staff needed a good laugh. Worked every time.

The Power of Polka is Potent!

Susan Kelley said...

After watching those I had to go get a drink ... and then another one.

Ava Quinn said...

Vicki, I'm glad you care enough to plan a polka intervention for me. Just in case. I was wondering who had my back!

Ava Quinn said...

You said it, Melissa. My friend who works at the prison told me the inmates just got satellite radio. (yeah, I know, don't even get me started on that. It's a whole other blog entry.)

Each day they're playing different stations and then the inmates are going to vote for what they want. My friend wants to put the polka station on for the day, just to see what would happen.

She knows not the full and devastating power of the polka.

Ava Quinn said...

As long as it wasn't German beer or jagermeister, Sue, I think you'll be ok.

Natalie J. Damschroder said...

I was good and refrained from pressing play. I have one of those "it only took one time" memories...

Victoria said...

Good for you Nat. It would be terrible if we had to do two interventions at the retreat!!

WV: wispers - what polka music does to you long after you listen!

Ava Quinn said...

You are very strong, Natalie.


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