Monday, July 5, 2010

I Wore My Farmer Tan With Pride

So, I'm back. Back from vacation. To the beach. In the camper. I don't know if I'll ever be the same.

To begin with, I'm not a beach person. And then to have to rough it at a place that doesn't even make my top ten of happy destinations? You can imagine my mood. But it was all for the urchins, and even though I am a super villain in training, the little minions-to-be get indulged.

Now, I have bruises on my hips from sleeping on a sheet of plywood covered with a layer of foam that was laughingly referred to as a bed, enough sand in my house, clothing and washer to make my own beach, and a monstrous pile of laundry in league with the rampant sea monkey colony in my bathtub. Yet despite all that, Chez Quinn is almost back to normal.

At the beach I was the only woman to sport a farmer tan, and I did so with aplomb. I worked it like the hick that I've become. It's almost disappeared entirely and I might even be a little sad about that.

I also had a small bathing suit wardrobe malfunction. Suffice it to say, I may not be allowed back on that particular stretch of beach for a few years. So as an added little torture, I had to go bathing suit shopping with a next day deadline. The store that I chose had very little in my size. Every size was picked over. I was a bit surprised by the lack of choice at a beach. I finally had to settle for a very matronly suit that has so much extra fabric it could easily cover a battleship. Which was just the teeniest bit depressing. I've never worn such a conservative suit in my life.

So, that's it. Vacation is done for another year. I hope to God next year is better. It wasn't too terrible, but really; I paid for that experience? I must have a masochistic streak in me somewhere.

So let's hear it. Worst vacations ever. I will even give the sadists' rah rah cheer in the comments for all who share.


Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

We always did the beach when the kids were little. I'm not the lay out in the sun type so I never really enjoyed it though I did it for the kids too.
Worse vacation was when my stepsons were little. We made reservations in Wildwood, NJ at some place my husband remembered as being really nice.
There was vomit on the steps to our second floor room and the bathroom didn't look clean. I told the kids not to unpack and we got our money back. It was sickening. We found another place, really nice and four times the cost. We ate quite lightly for the rest of the vacation.

Haleine said...

I think my family's worst vacation was the time we were supposed to go to Mystic Seaport, CT but our ancient station wagon broke down before we could get there and so we ended up spending a week in my aunt's basement apartment watching soap operas while they worked on getting the car running enough to get us back home.

Victoria said...

Glad you rocked that Farmer Tan. I have one too!
Worst vacation ever?
How about one of our weekend camping trips? It started raining the minute we got the tent up and proceeded to downpour for the next two days. We had a lake in the tent, freezing and wet kids, and not a dry towel or blanket anywhere. Needless to say we packed up as much as we could, left the rest, and headed home.

Misty said...

Dangit! I feel left out since I can't recall a worst vaca story. Perhaps that's because we haven't gone on vaca for a while! LOL! Oh wait!!!! How about going to my aunt';s house for three days. You couldn't flush the toilet if you had only peed. They had four towels for seven people and would not do laundry. And despite the fact that it was almost 90* at night and I had a one year old, they kept turning the meager a/c off every time I turned it on because they said we didn't NEED it! I might just qualify after all :)

Ava Quinn said...

All three of those are pretty dang nightmarish. Here's your Sadist's Salute!

Oh Vacation's done for another year.
It was slightly easier than ripping off your ear.
I'm the king of the Sadists and I'm here to say.
I know you'll be going on another vacay.
I'll make sure it's a special torture for you,
Make it rain, add some stair puke, and kill your car too.
So make your contingency plans now, but they'll do you no good.
Cause I can even wreak havoc in your own neighborhood.
So until we meet again around this time next year,
Better heed the warning of my homemade cheer.

Ava Quinn said...

That definitely qualifies, Misty. I may need to make a second stanza in the Sadits' Cheer just for that experience alone!

Natalie J. Damschroder said...

I've never had a vacation that bad. I've had some bad things at vacation, but they didn't interfere with the overall experience.

And I LOVE the beach. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. And I miss it very much.

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