Friday, February 7, 2014

Dealing With Loss

ALS is a horrible, cruel, crushing disease. For two years I watched as it eroded my good friend day by day, and the experience changed me. The loss of this creative, vibrant woman has hurt me in ways I've never been hurt before.

At her memorial, as I walked around the displays of her artwork, calligraphy and photography, I saw the woman I knew. As I looked at pictures from her life, we remembered the woman that she was. But I found out some things that I hadn't known before as well. For instance, she could sing like Janice Joplin and would rattle the windows with her rendition of Another Piece of My Heart.

There's always more, isn't there, to friends? Something that never comes up in conversation. Something they only show to certain people. 

The Youngest Urchin, who is six, hasn't taken my friend's death well. She's become more clingy and has anxiety now about me dying. Which is hard for me to take. I've talked with her, but this is her first experience with the death of a person she knew. So we're stumbling our way through together.

For now, I'll send us all off with Janis.



Are there things mourners would find surprising about you at your memorial? Would you want to change that?

22 comments:

Pat Hatt said...

No good way to get through it, just have to take it day by day and yeah there is always something not everyone knows.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Sorry for your loss. We lost a good friends to ALS almost six years ago. It's tough.
Our children know loss too when their cousin died as a teenager. It's so difficult to help your children when your own heart is broken.

Sherry Ellis said...

So sorry about your loss! It's hard for kids to understand, too. Hugs!

Heather M. Gardner said...

Sorry for your loss. It's never easy. Take some time to see some beautiful things with your family. Take some time to laugh with them. Go eat dessert for dinner. Never stop hugging.
Heather

Ava Quinn said...

You're right, Pat. Thanks.

Ava Quinn said...

Thanks, Sue. You're right about both, it is tough.

Ava Quinn said...

Thanks, Sherry. The virtual hugs help. :)

Ava Quinn said...

Thank you, Heather. That's very good advice. :)

Empty Nest Insider said...

I'm very sorry that you lost your dear friend. Just hold your daughter close, while you comfort each other.

Julie

Melissa said...

Wow. That's rough. She sounds like a great person. I'm sorry for your loss.

Lady Lilith said...

That is horrible. Unfortunately you have to take it day by day and hope for the best.

Crystal Collier said...

It's so difficult to lose someone you love. I appreciate parents who don't shelter their kids from these experiences though. Death is a part of life, a vital part. I think I attended my first funeral when I was 6 and went to at least one a year thereafter for most of my life. We should celebrate the lives of those who've passed by embracing their memory and living in such a way as to make them proud.

Carol Kilgore said...

So sorry for the loss of your friend. One of my cousins has ALS. It's a nasty disease.

Ava Quinn said...

Thanks, Julie. I plan on it. :)

Ava Quinn said...

Thanks, Melissa. She really was.

Ava Quinn said...

You're absolutely right, Lady L.

Ava Quinn said...

Thanks, Crystal. So true.

Ava Quinn said...

Thanks, Carol. And yes, it is.

Liz Blocker said...

Oh, Ava. This post is so honest and so true, and so heartbreaking. I lost my best friend about 9 years ago, and this really resonated with me - especially this: "There's always more, isn't there, to friends? Something that never comes up in conversation."

Yes. And it's so hard to find out about these things when they're gone. It makes you miss them even more.

My thoughts are so much with you.

Ava Quinn said...

Thank you very much, Liz. I'm sorry about your best friend. That is so rough.

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