Why I'm Not Here

My wonderful border collie, Sox, is dying. She's deteriorating every day, but I haven't reached that horrendous edge where having her here is harder than her being gone. It's killing me that I have the power to hold her life in my hands. That one decision from me makes her gone from us forever.

She's the first dog that I've had in my adult life. And the stories I could tell you about how amazing she is will have to wait until the overwhelming ache subsides when I think of her, healthy and out of pain.

So this is where I am, and I wish I weren't. But doesn't everyone when this point comes?

Merry Christmas!

I Know It's Old, But . . .

I really needed a laugh today. Enjoy!

Strange Craziness With a Side of Links

Okay. I know. I'm sorry. I still haven't finished my post about the end of my 'Possum Queen Reign. But it's hard, you know? An entire year as Roadkill Royalty. That's hard to give up. So look for that post coming soon.

In the mean time, I wanted to share some wonderfully bizarre happenings. First, this coming in under the not-so-wonderful-but barely-bizarre category, I found another stinkbug in my underwear drawer. This one? Alive. What the hell is it with my underwear that apparently fascinates stinkbugs to no end? Wait. Don't answer that.

I'm also still playing stinkbug chicken with The Man. I think he might still be winning. It's hard to tell.

And last month I participated in The Greatest Scavenger Hunt The World Has Ever Seen. Sponsored by GISHWHES and Misha Collins. Natalie Damschroder and I got to be on the same team, but they split us up from Megan Hart, Misty Simon and Vicki Smith. I think Misha knew we'd be an unbeatable combination. Thank you Megan for finding the hunt. It was jolly good fun!

They have a schwag shop where you can buy souveniers from this year's hunt. I'm partial to the Bacon Babes calendar if anyone's still looking for a Christmas present for me. (Though no one ever got me the ninja-breadmen cookie cutters I asked for last year.)

So, what strange craziness has been going on in your life?

Hostile Takeover of My Zumba Class

Yes, I escape once a week and do Zumba. Yes, that is extremely suburban housewifey of me. Don't worry, it's part of my cover.

Actually, I love dancing. So this is right up my alley. The last time I was there the ladies were wondering if they should set up a pole so I could do a full on pole dancing routine.

Unfortunately, our instructor has absolutely no rhythm. None. Whatsoever. It drives me insane. How can you teach dance moves if you can't even stay on the beat? So every time I go, I have to curb my super villain instincts to do something like this. (Starting at 57 seconds in.)



I don't think it would take much to instigate a coup in the class.

Open Letters to the Craziness at Chez Quinn

Dear Possessed and Dying Toy That I Can't Find,

Stop playing your death knell every time I come in to the dark living room at six thirty in the morning to turn on the light and scaring the bejeezus out of me. Your warbling is freaking me out. Either show yourself so I can put you out of your misery or JUST DIE ALREADY!!

Sincerely Yours,
Ava


Dear Feral Cat,

Quit storming the damn house! I will not let you in no matter how many times you try to dart inside. I'm not a cat person and you're making my limping fifteen year old dog insecure since she can't run you off. Keep your mangy ass out of my house!

Yours Truly,
Ava


Dear Youngest Urchin,

Stop asking me what something means and then halfway through my explanation try and drown me out with I knows. I understand you're only four, but it's driving me crazy.

I love you! xoxo
Mommy


Dear Upstairs Toilet,

Will you just do your damn job and flush consistently already? You're driving me bat-shit-crazy with the plunging every damn day! Just frickin' flush right!

Yours Respectfully,
Ava

Ahhhhh, now that I have that out of my system I can tell you what I really came here to tell you. My Reign as the County 'Possum Queen has come to an end. Sorry if that announcement was too abrupt. Maybe I should have eased you into it a little, but, alas, I'm one of those rip-the-band-aid-off-and-deal-with-it kind of people.

Anyway, it happened early last month, but it's been a little too hard to talk about until now. I will give you the entire run-down of that sad day later this week to give you time to adjust to the news.

Until then, tell me what craziness you'd like to address with an open letter.

And Now for Something Amazing

Perhaps my favorite Christmas movie is Holiday Inn. I'm a huge Fred and Ginger fan, and the combo of Fred and Bing Crosby and Marjorie Reynolds is irresistible. I was originally looking for this dance number from Holiday Inn to post, but embedding was disabled. (Which is why I posted the above astounding routine instead.)

Enjoy!