Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Mutton Chops- A Closer Study of Side Burn Art

Today we take a closer look at a very popular expression of male facial hair as we delve into the mutton chop. This in depth analysis of one of the many different categories of male facial hair builds on my previous homage to the art of the sideburn.

Mutton chops are long, sometimes bushy, sideburns that reach either the jawline or connect to a mustache. They can be trimmed and stylized in any number of ways. As such.

pic from
It has been my experience that if a man has mutton chops, there are only four occupations he is able to hold.

1. Elvis impersonator.

Elvis did right by the mutton chop in the seventies.

 And the impersonators know it. Have a look.

pic from

2. Lumberjack
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay . . . with my mutton chops.

Motorcycle gang member
But let it be known that a mutton chop wearing member cannot rise in the hierarchy above the level of "thug". Leaders must make special facial hair concessions and have either a ZZ Top beard or a Fu Manchu mustache.

4. Horror film hillbilly extra #6

 One through five being taken by other men with bushy beards or very scraggly mustaches.

So that's it on the mutton chop except to declare them magnificent. (Just like the mullet) And to prove my point, I leave you with this.

Nothing but mutton chops, baby!

Which career path would you choose if mutton chops adorned your mug?


M.J. Fifield said...

Well, Elvis is right out. Could I pick Wolverine? If not, I'll go with motorcycle gang member. Unless you think the ability to ride a motorcycle is important. Then I'll have to go with Horror film hillbilly extra #6.

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Well, if it was me, I guess I would have to be one of those side shows in a circus. I find the mutton chop very unattractive. Didn't even like Elvis's.

Ava Quinn said...

LOL, guys!!

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