It's Follow Fest Time!

 Hi everybody! At this point right now, I wish I were still kidnapped by carny folk. It'd definitely be easier being the bearded lady than what's going on at Casa de Quinn at the moment. Which is why I'm so late to THIS party!

The fabulous Melissa Maygrove has brought us Follow Fest again!! She's so awesome. So in the tiny moments of sanity, which were few and very far between, I pulled together my post. Be sure to click on the graphic below and see all the awesome participants.

Blog button designed by Carrie Butler.

Name: Ava Quinn

Fiction or nonfiction? Fiction

What genres do you write? Romance, baby! Contemporary Western.

Are you published? Not yet.

Do you do anything in addition to writing?

I'm the web mistress and children's game and crafts coordinator for our township's New Year's Eve drop where they drop their pants. Yes, five foot tall yellow breeches. From a huge flag pole. I kid you not.

Tell us a little about yourself.

Last year I said I mommed. Which I still do. (Yes, momming is a verb.) I now also teach preschool (3 year olds) part time and write whenever I can. I blog about crazy nonsense that goes on in my world. (Polkappocalypse, anyone?) I recently escaped from evil kidnapping carny folk. I love roller derby, the hermetically sealed environs of my happy place and riding my motorcycle.

What are you reading right now? I'm doing a bunch of "the craft of writing" related reading and just finished up a critique for a friend.

Which authors influenced you the most? The authors from my local writing group: Delynn Royer, Natalie Damschroder, Susan Gourley, and Misty Simon.They've been so generous with their time.

Where can people connect with you?

Blog

 Right here at Tongue In Cheek readavaquinn.blogspot.com

Twitter @AvaQuinnWrites

Facebook- Still not on Facebook. Am I the only one left on the planet not on there?

Goodreads Ava Quinn

Google+ Ava Quinn

LinkedIn Ava Quinn

Sick of seeing my name yet?

Website avaquinn.com

Is there anything else you’d like us to know? 
 I have a crazy author interview, complete with a Sea Monkey SAT portion. So hit me up if you're promoting! Thanks for stopping by and checking out all my crazy. Sorry if I got any on you. If I did, it was completely accidental.

When We Last Left Our Intrepid Heroine...

She was escaping from crazed kidnapping carny folk. (As such)

Okay, that's not quite the truth.

What is the truth is that life around here at Chez Quinn has been hectic to say the least.

The BFF is getting married Saturday, and the Urchins and I are all in it. Youngest Urchin is in freakout mode. She cannot do the wedding walk and toss petals at the same time. So now it's become this huge psychotic psychological block. Which I have done every good mom thing there is to assuage her fears, and now it's just funny. My girl apparently can't walk and chew bubble gum.  I have not informed the bride. Waiting to see how it pans out on Saturday. Hilarity will, I'm sure, ensue.

My mother-in-law had her cancer surgery, and it looks like no radiation treatment will be necessary. Hooray!

My father-in-law has finally gotten over his month long pneumonia, but it put his heart back into atrial fibrillation. He had his heart converted with the paddles of life/AED last week. Receiving an electro shock while awake. This is the 6th time they've had to do it. He's still recovering, but his heart is back in rhythm.

Back to school has been bumpier than usual. The three year olds are still crying. My job is now officially called Snot Sweat and Tears. Decontamination showers will be installed outside the door to my house  shortly.

Youngest Urchin is having her back to school separation issues, which twists the knife in me but good as they say.

Oldest Urchin loves school but has enormous amounts of homework and wants to start playing an instrument.

Lots of other goings on have been taking over my life, but I've bored you enough already. Time to dive back into the crazy.

And here it is.

While camping for two weeks this summer, at our first stop, I found an example of the importance of the proper use of commas. This sign was posted at the first campground we stayed in.

Way to insult your guests, there, campground.

Were all the adults of the campground deemed "slow"? Or was there a subset of adults in the slow group? Did they drive the short campers? And most importantly, was I included in the description of slow adults? I refused to believe my mental capacities should be called into question, especially after I discovered something even more significant than the improper exclusion of a comma.

This pole, with its insulting sign, is secretly a portal to hell. Why? Because it smelled like goat. Yes. Goat. And no I didn't sniff the pole. It emanated goat smell. And as anyone who has watched the episode Red Rum from The Mentalist knows, Cho, my favorite character, has declared goats are of the devil. And I believe him. (I can't find that particular clip anywhere on the web, so here's a different equally funny Cho clip. Just pretend it's the other one.)



Anywho, back to the pole. We had to pass it on our walk to the pool. And every time I came near it, there was the smell of a thousand goats. But the horrific stench wasn't everywhere, like when a skunk gets flattened on the roadside. No, this was in one specific spot. Two steps in any direction from said spot, and the smell...disappeared.

Me walking, stops. To the Man: What is that smell?

The Man: What smell?

Me: The one that smells like the insides of a hundred goats in the middle of the desert.

The Man, gives me the look he saves for when he really thinks I've gone off reservation: Yeah, I don't smell anything.

Me: Come here. I'll watch the girls. Just stand right here and tell me that stench wouldn't knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

The Man, vaguely standing in spot in middle of road where I placed him: That's Epoxy or something.

Me: You are so wrong.

The Man staunchly refused to recognize the imminent peril our family was in and instead made his way blithely with the Urchins to the pool. But I knew. I knew there was evil emanating from that pole. It was only because of the constant vigilance on my part that we weren't sucked down into the bowels of Hell every time we passed that bad boy. And thus we were able to continue our vacation as I, the unsung hero, herded the young 'uns past that pole with all due haste.

So to my family I say, "You're welcome."

And since we survived the devil's telephone pole, I was able to go on and have other crazed camping adventures which I will reveal in my next post.

Until next time, Citizens! Stay away from goat reeking devil poles!

You Will NOT Believe This

Unless you see it. And since I have, I, of course had to share it with all of you because, really, misery loves company.

I'm still drowning in chaos over here at Chez Quinn. My mother and father-in-law are both slowly but surely on the mend. Thanks for all your thoughts and well wishes for them. I'll be posting more regularly in September, but for now... you don't want to miss this.



She's a Prancing Queen, y'all!

Until next time, Citizens! Keep on prancing!

Okay...

I wasn't really captured by crazed carnies. It was just more interesting than the truth.

The Man is a teacher, and I'm a preschool teacher, so back to school is killing us on all fronts. Between the Urchins getting ready, us getting ready, Oldest Urchin's birthday party on Saturday, my mother-in-law having cancer surgery tomorrow, and my father-in-law battling pneumonia, things are in ludicrous speed around Chez Quinn.

I have lots to share from camping, the back yard carnival and an award to graciously receive from the fantastic Marci Koski, plus general madness, but not the time to post it, soooo...

Bear with me. The craziness that is Tongue In Cheek will return. I'm just not sure when.

So here's some intermission music to tide you over in the meantime. (The chorus captures my sentiments exactly.)



Until next time, citizens!

Help! I've Been Kidnapped By Carnies!

Okay listen carefully. I've been taken prisoner by some sinister carnival folk who set up in the back yard last week. I've stolen one of their phones and plugged in remotely to the blog. They're debating on whether to make me be the bearded lady

or wear the two headed goat costume.

Send help! Quick!!

Back At The Desk

Hi Everybody! I'm back! I survived the two week camping trip, but am now drowning in laundry. Soooo, you know what that means.

Another rerun.

Wait, wait, put down the pitchforks (though hopefully you purchased them at my store, The Angry Villager). This rerun is from my vacation last summer to visit my folks in Montana. And there's lots of taxidermy involved.

I can tell I placated you with that last sentence. So sit back and enjoy...

More Fun With Taxidermied Squirrels (I'll be filling you in on all the gory camping details soon.)

Yes, folks, there's so much fun to be had with taxidermied squirrels. You didn't think I'd be able to find anything more entertaining than the ones from my previous post, did you? Well the gauntlet has been thrown down. Here are pictures of actual boxing taxidermied squirrels that I saw in all their moth-nibbled first hand glory when I visited Montana in July.

Upper cut. Upper cut. (Name that video game!)

Note the sheep in the background. This becomes important later.

EXTREME CLOSE UP!

 My mom sent me these photos since I'd forgotten to take them when I was there admiring coughshockedandmezmerizedinabadwaycough them in person. She included in the bottom of the email this picture that scared the ever loving crap out of me.

I could have done without that. (The lamb has a twin coming out of its back. Note the legs appearing as spider leg appendages and the two sets of ears.)

There was an entire case of taxidermied animals at this museum, and the Youngest Urchin, who just turned six, went through and named them all. Until she got to this one. She paused in her identifications, and deemed it, "A baby bobcat and its turkey friend."

Umm, friends don't let friends nibble on each other, Youngest Urchin. Just so you know.

And yet, despite the taxidermy, (or maybe because of it) a good time was had by all that day.

The Urchins, my mom and me. The Man is behind the camera.

What would you want to see in your taxidermy? Inquiring mind (me, of course) would like to know.

A Very Important Question

Hi everyone. I'm still on vacation. Camping. **bone wracking shudders** Here's hoping we all survive. So until I return, I'm leaving you with a rerun from 2010 which asks the question:

Tell Me Which You Would - The Bad or the Good?

How did it get to be Friday already? I'm having trouble getting that little factoid into my brain. I finished my dreaded synopsis of Shifting Her World. Thank you for all your help Misty and Natalie! You know I've had a pretty good writing week if there aren't many posts. Anywho, check out this video. It got me to a-wonderin'.



I loved this commercial when it came out back in the day, mainly for the Van Halen. Yet it was funny, too, and G.I. Joe completely out-cooled Ken.

But here's what I wondered. The Bad Boy. Do you prefer the Bad Boy(or Girl) Hero or the Good Guy(or girl) Hero? I'm split. I write both. I enjoy reading both if they're well rounded. But deep down I think if I was held over a pit of bubbling tar and told to choose, I would go with the good guy. But only if placed under some such duress. (Molten lava would get me to sing on this topic as well.)

So which type of hero would be your favorite as you dangle precariously over the pit? And, remember, this is for posterity, so be honest.

Why Can't Birthday Parties Be Easy?

Right now we are camping. I'm thrilled. Sorry, didn't mean to get that sarcasm all over you. That was just rude of me.

Each year I take one for Team Quinn and go camping for almost two weeks. So I'm leaving you with a rerun. And therefore, I won't be able to answer any comments until I get back. Yeah. THAT kind of camping.

Four days before we left for this trip I was hosting ten 7-year-olds outside in a torrential downpour for my youngest Urchin's birthday.

This rerun is from 2009, which NOT coincidentally appeared a few days before my Oldest Urchin's birthday. (There's a connection here. For some reason birthday parties can never run smoothly at Chez Quinn.) The day before this post I was mopping up vomit from the rest of the family and wrote that I felt like I had a bulls-eye on my back. Well, the next day...

Target Acquired

Yeah. It hit me last evening, before dinner. Only a day before my oldest daughter's birthday party. Can I say that I now have a new appreciation for vomiting in the wee hours since your stomach has had time to digest. I won't go into the degrees of chunkiness, just let it be known that I have changed my opinion.

So now I'm dealing with sore abdomen and back muscles from throwing up. When I was younger I believed it was important to stay in shape in case you had to hang from somewhere high up for a long period of time. Whether it be off a cliff, a high rise, high tension lines - what have you. Obviously you're up there due to an escape attempt from a psychopath and/or mercenaries.

Now that I'm old, I believe you need to stay in shape because you don't want sore muscles after a night of flu induced puking. So to that end I've put in an order for the Hawaii chair. Because really - who doesn't want to get fit while they sit?

Crystal Collier Soulless Cover Reveal

 The cheese-tastic Crystal Collier has done it again! Take a look at her little beauty that 's coming this October. 

 Have you met the Soulless and Passionate? In the world of 1770 where supernatural beings mix with humanity, Alexia is playing a deadly game.

SOULLESS, Book 2 in the Maiden of Time trilogy

Alexia manipulated time to save the man of her dreams, and lost her best friend to red-eyed wraiths. Still grieving, she struggles to reconcile her loss with what was gained: her impending marriage. But when her wedding is destroyed by the Soulless—who then steal the only protection her people have—she's forced to unleash her true power.

And risk losing everything.

What people are saying about this series: 

"With a completely unique plot that keeps you guessing and interested, it brings you close to the characters, sympathizing with them and understanding their trials and tribulations." --SC, Amazon reviewer

"It's clean, classy and supernaturally packed with suspense, longing, intrigue and magic." --Jill Jennings, TX

"SWOON." --Sherlyn, Mermaid with a Book Reviewer

Crystal Collier is a young adult author who pens dark fantasy, historical, and romance hybrids. She can be found practicing her brother-induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures. She has lived from coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband, three littles, and “friend" (a.k.a. the zombie locked in her closet). Secretly, she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese. You can find her on her blog and Facebook, or follow her on Twitter.

COMING October 13, 2014

PREORDER your print copy

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Welcome To Club Earth

So The Man, the Urchins and I visited some beautiful local caverns recently. We, of course, hit the gift shop-- where we saw this display.

Didn't know there was a membership, though I should have suspected since I've been paying dues.

Apparently this club has an agenda.

And probably a manifesto. A long one.

So the Urchins and The Man are all home for the summer and there are many distractions.

I'm getting scary-obsessive with finishing my edits, and I'm finding things out about myself as I do. Not much of it good. (I never knew I was prone to wild mood swings and such violent thoughts.) Considering I'm all paid up with my Club Earth dues, here's hoping everyone survives.

So what are you doing this summer? Any crazy editing induced violence/craziness you'd like to share? I'm all ears. (said like Dolf in that Van Damme movie.)