Merry Christmas to All

And to all a good night.

Here are some tiny tots with their eyes all aglow. Hope your holidays are spectacular!

I Dig Them Up

It's up to you to decide whether or not to watch them. Here are some ca-RAAA-zy videos. Warning: you will never get the time back that you spent watching them. Plus, you may never get over it. Tongue In Cheek and its affiliates are not responsible for loss of time or brain cells in the watching of these videos. Watch at your own risk.

First--Charo


Next--Hasselhoff


I share with love. Truly. You needed to know these things existed. You're now a better person.

You're welcome.

There's An Old Saying...

When you're ass deep in alligators, you tend to forget that your original job was to drain the swamp.

That about sums up life over here at Chez Quinn. Urchins are still sick. Youngest also has an infected ingrown toenail. My father-in-law was in the hospital again, but has been discharged. Two full critiques to finish before the end of the month. And Environmental Field Day.

What's that last one? (Feel free to skip this boring paragraph and watch the video below. It says the same thing, only differently.) 140 first and second graders one day. 190 3rd - 5th graders another. I write a curriculum for each on an environmental theme. Same topic, different age appropriate activities. I shop for all supplies, but create most from scratch. All outdoors at the local state park. 20 or so volunteers to make it work. 10 teachers. 4 buses. I'm in the activity and learning creation stage right now. Lots of research and lesson planning. When I can find the time.



But I'm refusing to let the Tongue In Cheek Year In Review Post be one day later than it is. So without further whiny excuses, here it is.

2014 Tongue In Cheek Year In Review

January
I revealed that I got an R and R from a publisher and asked you all to chime in on how to achieve balance in my life. I heeded all of your advice, applied it and am now a better person. (see above. Then see name of this blog.) I also went on a convoluted, conspiracy ridden tangent on why people should start wearing desks as the ultimate wardrobe accessory. I also did the 2013 Year in Review, and posted two reruns featuring Elvis sightings and dangerous polkas.

February
I lost a wonderful friend to ALS. I took notes on how to party hard from the 3 year olds and wished I could sport a rockin' diet coke mustache. I shared the conversation I had with my youngest Urchin in the public restroom about best uses of The Force for toilet flushing. And I expounded on the intimate relationship I was developing with the spinning beach ball of death on my dying computer. Among other things.

March
I wondered if I should AtoZ. I got a new computer. (yay!) I wished everyone a Happy St. Patrick's day via certain Muppets singing Danny Boy. Then the Scottish had their hilarious, bawdy say. I revealed my AtoZ theme, asking all the probing questions that arise here at Tongue in Cheek re: Polkapocalypses, 'Possum Queens, super villany, etc. And I shared something beautiful.

April
April was the A to Z Challenge. I am so glad I participated (but I won't be able to this year). My theme was "She Actually Posted That?-The best reruns this blog has to offer." There was super villainy, Hostile Polka takeovers, Zombie Stinkbugs, The merits of the mullet, my tribute to sideburn art, awkward taxidermy, conspiracy theories linking Bratz dolls to the imminent alien invasion, much 'Possum Queenin' and lots more of the run of the mill craziness that ensues here at Tongue In Cheek. And a good time was had by most.

May
Author interviews prevailed during the merry, merry month of May. Melissa Maygrove, Sara Walter Ellwood, and Victoria Smith all rocked the Sea Monkey SAT portion of the interview. I tortured harangued took complete advantage of The Man as he was trapped in the mini van with me for four hours by bouncing ideas off him about a plot point for my next book. The conversation went like most of our conversations. Those of you who've been around a while, know what I mean. I also went to paradise, aka writers' retreat.

June
The fabulous Marci Koski nominated me for a Liebster Award. I accepted. With vigor. And a side of crazy, but you guessed that already, I'm sure. I helped reveal Carol Kilgore's cover for Secrets of Honor. Beautimous! And I treated you all to another rerun. Wasn't that nice of me?

July
I found out that Earth has a club. And most likely a manifesto. A long one. Crystal Collier revealed her cover for Soulless. Gorgeous! I reposted an enduring question for the ages and used Barbie, Ken, GI Joe and The Princess Bride to illustrate it. Then I gave you a rerun in which we have even more fun with taxidermied squirrels. Plus lamented about the difficulties that dog every one of The Urchins' birthday parties. All while I was camping for two weeks. ...Why are you looking at me that way?

August
I was kidnapped by Carnies. And then some other stuff happened.

September
While on vacation, I saved my family from a goat reeking devil phone pole. When asked to describe myself for the wonderful Melissa Maygrove's Follow Fest, I wrote, "I recently escaped from evil kidnapping carny folk. I love roller derby, the hermetically sealed environs of my happy place and riding my motorcycle."

October
I asked for advice on how to hide all my crazy when talking to agents and editors at the NJRW conference. And then I took you on an unholy trek to the land of hideous mumus. And it was epic.

November
Crystal Collier traversed the author interview and Sea Monkey SATs. I shared how I mercilessly tortured Peeps over a campfire, and I related a crazy childhood story to illustrate the power of words. Among other things.

December
I was very distracted. I wished you Merry Christmas using Elvis. And I shared the concept of one word new years resolutions. All while presiding over the infamous New Year's Eve Breeches Drop hosted by the blue haired old ladies and their overworked minion. (me)

So that's all the crazy of 2014 in a really huge nutshell. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

As for 2015, I may have some really exciting news to reveal in the next couple of weeks.

AAAANND, Loni Townsend will be here next month to take the Tongue In Cheek author interview, complete with Sea Monkey SATs. Be sure to stop in to check it out.

Until next time, Citizens!

You Will NOT Believe This

Unless you see it. And since I have, I, of course had to share it with all of you because, really, misery loves company.

I'm still drowning in chaos over here at Chez Quinn. My mother and father-in-law are both slowly but surely on the mend. Thanks for all your thoughts and well wishes for them. I'll be posting more regularly in September, but for now... you don't want to miss this.



She's a Prancing Queen, y'all!

Until next time, Citizens! Keep on prancing!

AtoZ Karaoke In The Pokey

Hi AtoZ fanatics! Glad to have you here. My theme for this year is The Best of Tongue In Cheek, which translated means-reruns! Yes, all the crazy goodness of the past, served up fresh and new, just for you. Today's offering from 2010 is...

Karaoke in the Pokey

Yes. You heard me. Prison Karaoke. If you don't remember, my best friend works at a prison. She always has great stories, and I've been saving this one.

On holidays, since many of the prison workers are off, the ones who work those days set up special events since there's not enough staff to run the regular activities such as basketball, the weight room, etc. So this year they decided to have an American Idol sort of competition with karaoke.

One of the semifinalists of the first round sang James Brown's Baby I Got That Feeling. Here's James Brown himself performing part of it.



The inmate who performed it apparently did every James Brown patented move along with a few others thrown in to boot and almost needed to be carried from the stage from exhaustion. He couldn't sing very well, but the showmanship alone carried him on to the finals.

In the finals, he belted out Michael Jackson's Dirty Diana.



According to my source, he only knew the chorus and sang that at the top of his lungs. Again, showmanship carried the day over actual singing talent as he performed every Michael Jackson move known to man.

He beat out the only other competition, who, by the way, could actually sing, but was so nervous he sang very quietly and twirled his hair as he did. Not really a move to get you the votes during Karaoke in the Pokey, or so I have come to understand. Though it probably got him a boyfriend or three.

James Brown/Michael Jackson in an orange jumpsuit won twenty five bucks and some notoriety around the prison. Not sure if that last part was a good thing or will turn around to bite him in the ass. Pretty literally.

But this is what I'm trying to convince my best friend to organize next. I think it would be great for morale and more importantly, excellent fodder for my blog.





Until next time, Citizens!

The Irish Have Had Their Say...

(Or as much say as those particular Muppets could manage.)

Now it's time for the Scots. This is probably not a workplace video. There's no foul language, but it's bawdy. (I don't think I've ever written the word bawdy in my life. huh. Guess that just shows there's a time for everything.)



Hope this brought a smile to your face!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day, y'all! I love that they put these three together for this song. Classic!



Enjoy your day!

Public Restroom Conversation W/ Youngest Urchin

One thing to know about the Urchins at Chez Quinn is they insist on having either extremely deep, soul searching or utterly bizarre conversations while in the stalls of the ladies room. I'm not sure what it is about public bathrooms that inspire such deep thoughts, but apparently in my girls, it does.

So on Valentine's Day, while at a local restaurant, The Youngest Urchin (who is now six) and I had the following conversation while jammed in the bathroom stall together:

Y.U.- I don't like sensors on potties.

me- Yeah, I know. Your sister couldn't stand them when she was just learning to go.

Y.U. They always flush when you don't want them to.

me- I guess they do when you're small.

Y.U. *contemplative silence* I wish toilets could read your mind. Then they could know when you wanted them to flush.

me- Hmm. I don't think I'd like a toilet to know what I was thinking. That would creep me out. (*Major interior struggle to keep in the dirty mind/toilet joke*)

Y.U. *somewhat exasperated at my limited vision* Well you'd only tell it to flush.

me- Yeah, but it'd still be in my head. I'm not crazy about that. What if you used The Force instead?

Y.U. Yes! The Force! That way it would flush only when you told it to. That's what I said.

me- Oh. Okay. Then I guess I'm fine with using The Force to flush.

The person in the next stall came out at the same time we did. She washed her hands pretty quickly and didn't make any eye contact at all, then scurried out of there. Not sure why. As Urchin Bathroom Conversations (c) go, that one was pretty amusing.

Tongue In Cheek 2013 In Review

Hi everyone. I'm actually getting my year in review out a little earlier than usual. Go figure! I started blogging in 2008. Yes. That long ago. And yes, I probably should have more followers by now, but it takes a special person to sign on publicly for my particular brand of crazy. And for your dedication, I salute you! (insert Three Amigo's salute here***)

Here are the three years in which I did do a review. Just in case, you know, you'd like a disturbing look back at what goes through my head on a yearly basis.

2010's year in review
2011's year in review
2012's year in review

And now, on to 2013!

January
I expounded on my conspiracy theory about how Bratz are the precursors to an alien takeover. A deer T-boned my mini van. I revealed what a girls' night in at Chez Quinn with the Urchins looks like (hint, Star Wars played a major role). I regaled singers and songwriters/storytellers of The Blues and shared one of my favorite female Blues artist. Among other things.

February

I explained how my carny goldfish and the Sea Monkey tribe from my bathtub were in cahoots. Author Sara Walter Ellwood stopped by for an interview. A very dear, old friend of mine, WWII veteran, Marine, wonderful man, passed away. I got to escape into the real world with my bff. Craziness, of course, ensued. I drove my daughter's former teacher home from conferences in her brand new, one day old car as she puked into a trashcan, riding shotgun. I lamented on the brutality of February and retaliated against it with some excellent Funk Music.

March
The flu raged through Casa de Quinn. I took a closer look at the mutton chop in my series on the sideburn. Mii music and my secret imaginary boyfriend attempted to kill me. I also offered pirate translation services.

April
I made a plea to myself to stop volunteering. The oldest Urchin was again inflicted with a semi-serious affliction. I found the upside of impatience when it comes to my writing. I declared my new found love of guacamole. And I shared a clip of the absolutely astounding Nicholas Brothers.

May
I did way too many things.  I had a motorcycle accident. I did even more volunteer work. I visited paradise for three days. And did even more work.

June
I saw the powerful movie Girl Rising. My 71 year old mother enjoyed the roller derby. I worried about my Youngest Urchin's villain tendencies and then figured I shouldn't look too closely at myself. And then my opthalmologist tried to shiv my eye.

July
I found an AC/DC playing, fire shooting bagpiper.  I again did way too much. We went to Montana to visit my parents and I set up some moldy-oldy TiC reruns.

August
I had double eye infections. The Oldest Urchin had eye troubles and I reminisced about the crazy things that went wrong with her birthday parties. I rejoined the work force. And other stuff.

September
I shared my impressions of working with three year olds. I had some more fun with taxidermied squirrels. I lamented with Madeleine Kahn that I was tired. I participated in Melissa Maygrove's awesome brainchild, Follow Fest.

October
My Urchins and I reveled in watching Star Wars. Again. I lamented that I didn't get a flu shot. I went to the NJRW conference and later got a very nice award from the very nice Ashley Nixon. I ruminated on selling my beloved motorcycle. And I went all soft and geeky over Star Wars jack-o-lanterns.

November
A head cold laid me low. Much hilariousness ensued. I participated in the fabulous Mina Lobo's Resurrection Blogfest II. I discussed rocket ship underwear, and writing and music. And I celebrated Thanksgiving with Arlo Guthrie.

December
I lamented that I didn't stop volunteering and proposed some great products to facilitate your holiday shopping. I shared the last of the roller derby bouts and put my motorcycle into hibernation. I made some excuses for not blogging due to all my busy-ness, I started to develop a personality test based on the parts of Christmas specials that a person liked best. And the Oldest Urchin and I got the flu. Again.

So there you have it. Almost all the zaniness of a year full of Tongue in Cheek in one blog post. I hope it didn't make your brain explode.

Here's to a great 2014 for us all!


***

Celebrate Thanksgiving With Arlo

It's time for a Thanksgiving musical interlude.

After much careful deliberation (what with so many popular Thanksgiving songs to choose from), I went with the long, hilarious, intelligent Thanksgiving standard, Alice's Restaurant.

Right up there with Over The River and Through The Woods as the traditional Thanksgiving sing along, Alice's Restaurant has entertained Thanksgiving revelers since 1969.

So sit back for the next 20 minutes or so and enjoy this American masterpiece. My gift to you this Thanksgiving.  Enjoy!



Here's a great live version from 2005.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm Still Tired

But not of this. This never gets old.



Madeline Kahn was such a fantastic comedienne. And Mel Brooks knew just how to work with her.

My favorite part of this song is at about 2:20 where she sings just slightly off key to fill in. What's your favorite?

I'm A Geek Girl Too!

And I'm raising a pair of them.

I really enjoyed this video, but my favorite sign is at 2:45. I want to make it into a billboard and post it all over town.



Enjoy!

This Couple ROCKS!!

These guys are frickin' awesome!



I love this clip!

I Detest Springing Forward

Especially when I've been up every night with puking children and need all the extra hours of sleep I can get!

Girls Night In at Chez Quinn

The Man, God love him, works full time teaching and part time on the camera crew for the local AHL (hockey) team.Which means he works for them on weekends.

Which means the Urchins and I get to do special Mommy girly things. Now if you've been around here for a while, you know several things. A) I'm not right in the head. 2) I'm not very girly (I get a haircut once a year and ride a motorcycle for crying out loud.) III) I work hard to not be my demographic. I run around yelling SKEW! SKEW! wherever I go. It's my goal in life to be that one outlying statistic that throws off everyone's data.

So it will come as no surprise that Girls Night In was quite different than what poor unsuspecting people who stumble upon this blog might think. But as we all know, Tongue in Cheek is not for the faint of heart or the uninitiated.

To the question, "What do you want to do for girls night in?" I receive the instantaneous and deafening duet of "STAR WARS!!!!!!!!!!" (yes, it needs that many exclamation marks to really get across the decibel level that was reached.)

And so it was that after an all-Urchin request dinner of peanut butter sandwiches on potato rolls and new England clam chowder. Washed down with peanut brittle and fruit leather. (I abstained from the fruit leather.) We snoogled up on the couch under copious blankets with each other and our stuffed animal of choice and watched the original Star Wars.

The oldest Urchin, who is eight, watches in enraptured and reverent silence for the duration. With only a few words of praise for the cleverness of Princess Leia and the dreaminess of Luke Skywalker.

The youngest Urchin, however, cannot last more than a minute without asking something. It's mainly, "What did R2D2 just say?" Or the closely related, "What did Chewbacca just say?" To which after 100 askings I replied, "He said, 'tell the Youngest Urchin to be quiet.'" Which elicits some very Chewbacca like noises and a brandished fist from the five year old.

But a good time was had by all. And the next morning, I initiated them into the wonderful world of Mark Hamill on The Muppet Show.



I thought the oldest Urchin was going to keel over from laughing so hard. A girl after my own heart.

I have to admit, I am of an age where I saw the original Star Wars and this episode of the Muppet Show when they came out. And they made a big impression on me. But now, hands down, my favorite viewings of these were this past weekend.

So what are your fondest Star Wars memories?

Merry Christmas!

I really wanted to be posting the 2012 TiC year in review, because I can't get rid of this crappy year fast enough, but I realize it's still a bit early for that.

So in honor of the holiday, I offer you this. (Just ignore the commercial at the end.)



And if your tendencies lean even further into the ridiculous-like mine- you'll appreciate this one.



Have a peaceful and joyous holiday!

Happy Thanksgiving

Have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving everyone. I know I'm going to need a little humor to get through the holiday this year. So here's my favorite Thanksgiving scene. Enjoy and happy Thanksgiving, Citizens.

Heard From The Back of the Minivan

Oldest Urchin - Mom, if you adopt a new kid. . .

Me - WTH wrinkle between  my eyes: to self When did I start adopting kids?

O.U.- And they come to live with us. . .

The Man- Shoots me a bushy eyed "Is there something I should know?" glance that says When did you start adopting kids?

O.U. - Can they sleep in my top bunk and then I can have the green bedroom?

*Silence for about three seconds where crickets chirp*


Youngest Urchin - *Excessively indignant* I'm not sleeping with THAT kid!

Why Can't I Have A Squirrel Like This In My Yard?

Squirrel got his head stuck in a Halloween decoration.. - Imgur

It's just not fair.

We Interrupt This Hostile Takeover

to wish you a happy St. Patrick's Day and to show you this.