Happy New Year, Guys!

I'm off to talent show practice number one for my Urchins. It should prove to be interesting, if not headache inducing.

The Breeches fall tonight at midnight. Five foot tall yellow pants. From a flag pole. A good time will be had by all I'm sure.

I hope you guys have a safe and happy new years eve!

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See you in 2016!!

What? Another Update?

The Man had a stress test done a couple weeks ago. Family doctor looked over the results last week and found some abnormalities in his EKG. So he'll be seeing a cardiologist on Christmas Eve day. Hoping for the best case scenario that can be had.

All good mojo accepted here in all its forms if you feel like sending it.

Have a wonderful holiday. Hug your honeys tight!

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Updating the Updated Update

So, on black Friday I drove The Man to the E.R., and we spent most of the day at the hospital. He was complaining of chest tightness, and considering just Tuesday his dad was discharged from a week long stay in the hospital for heart issues, we took it very seriously.

All tests were run--E.K.G. blood work, chest x-rays--and everything came out normal. Thank God. So it was chalked up to either heart burn or stress. Which at Chez Quinn, with all that The Man does, it's definitely stress.

So now we're looking at ways to reduce the load for The Man and make some changes. We'll see if he agrees. Love that man dearly and desperately, but he's got a majorly over developed sense of responsibility. Getting him to let some stuff go may take a pry bar of epic proportions.

While he was in the hospital bed hooked up to all kinds of crazy contraptions I told him he needed a shokabuku. (See below for definition.)



I'm gonna do my damnedest to get it done.

Which again means a hiatus from here. **sigh**

So I'll see you in a while. How long depends probably on the size of the pry bar I'll be wielding and if I'll need a chiropractor following its usage.

Wishing you and yours all the best life has to offer.

Until next time, Citizens.

I'm Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

I'm thankful for The Man who puts up with my shenanigans and conspiracy theories and even plays along on occasion.

I'm thankful for my Urchins and how fun, kind and crazy they are. And how they still play along with my craziness, even though Oldest Urchin is starting to get that eye roll down pat.

I'm thankful that my father-in-law was released from the hospital a day and a half ago and is improving.

And I'm thankful for all of you and for finding such an amazing blogging community. You guys are awesome--especially since you don't publicly judge me in my comments for all my crazy. lol!

Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving full of fun, family and food.

~Ava

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Update To The Update

Okay guys. My father-in-law is back in the hospital and some other crazy things have cropped up around Chez Quinn to completely tear me away from practically all social media at the moment. So please know that I'm really missing you guys and will be doing my utmost to visit over at your sites as soon as I can.

Hope you all are doing well... 'cause, this is me right about now.

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Thank You, Veterans

I know I've stated this before on the blog: my father and both of my grandfathers were war veterans. And I'm very proud of their service. Thank you to all the service men and women who have worked for our country. 

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When Did I Say The Crazy Would Die Down?

Ok, this post is all excuses reasons I've been away.

1. My father-in-law was back in the hospital for his heart last week. They released him, but didn't solve the issue, so he's been weak and I've been trying to help out as much as possible.

2. One of my blue-haired-old ladies went into the hospital this week. She's the one who runs the Britches meetings. You remember. The meetings that go on forever about the party we throw on New Year's and drop a gigantic pair of yellow breeches from a huge flagpole? Yeah, those britches meetings.

Well apparently, I'm now in charge. God save us all!!!! This is more proof that little old ladies are truly my kryptonite.

3. Pitch Wars. It's finally wrapping up, but I've been working like a fiend to improve, and I've definitely seen some strides in my writing. My manuscript is so much better, and I'm ready to send it out. After one last nit-picky-completely-obsessive read through. Which I'm still working on.

Then it's getting sent out. To several places that requested it.

Some of said requests came from pitching at the NJ Romance Writer's conference I attended last month.

Then my mom was in visiting from Montana.

And the Urchins are still alive. Which, as you know means I had to take them places. All. The. Time. Still do as a matter of fact.

And the whole time in the back of my head I'm whimpering, But, but, my blogging friends. I wanna go see what they're up to and tweet about them and possibly friend them on Facebook since that massive regime finally broke me and I joined their evil ranks. 

So this is what I feel like at the moment. Me against all that stuff.

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I'm probably not making much of an impression, but I'm not getting taken down by the tentacled monster that is life at the moment.

I'm calling that a win.

So how have you  guys been? Catch me up in the comments!

I'm Not Dead...Yet

Hey guys! My mom is in from Montana, visiting. Since I only get to see her once a year, I''ve been mostly ignoring the internet.

I'm also down to the wire for Pitch Wars. The agent round is November 2. All my stuff has to be in on Halloween. And I'm still working. Every spare second.

So in case you never hear from me again, it's because revisions actually do kill. I will forevermore be a cautionary tale to all writers.

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Until next time, Citizens!

Tooth Fairy Motels and Other Happenings

So there's too much to tell. #PitchWars has been a phenomenal experience. But edits and revising is taking up every spare minute I have. The agent round is November 2nd. And I still have so much to do. (Excuse me a moment while I hyperventilate........Ok, I'm back.)

One of the things that happened a little while back is that Youngest Urchin finally lost a tooth--albeit somewhat unwillingly--that had been hanging on for months. Mostly because she refused to wiggle it, eat on it , breathe on it or otherwise touch it in any way, shape or form.

So the dentist pulled it out at her cleaning. She kept it together. No sobbing. Or biting.

Translation: Win!

So then the real craziness begins. Because the girls don't just put their teeth under their pillow for the tooth fairy. No. They have an entire Tooth Fairy Motel. It's set up 24/7 under Youngest's bottom bunk.

It's even labeled, just in case the Tooth Fairy doesn't know it's for her.

To get to the bed, just slip past the elephant and giraffe on the right.

There is also a tooth pedestal. Again, properly labeled, just in case the Tooth Fairy might have questions.

And of course, there's a note.

It's the note that leads to more work, because the Tooth Fairy writes back. In 5 pt. font. And it's always from a different Tooth Fairy, since there are loads of them. Personalized with a picture of themselves.

You see, I do it to myself. I can't say no to little old ladies or toothless children. It's part of why I'm always over extended.

Like now.

Hope you all are doing well. I'll be trying to hop around to your blogs soon. Once I train myself to write and revise faster. (I'm such a slow writer, it's ridiculous!!)

Until next time, Citizens!!

I Love The Blues

A few years ago I wrote a small post on my admiration for the blues and their creative turns of phrases. But the storytelling that goes on in those songs always astounds me. The vivid descriptions with few words is something I hope to come close to some day in my own writing.

Here's Shemekia Copeland, an outstanding blues singer whom I've admired for years, performing Never Going Back to Memphis.



The full version of this song on her album is a little over seven minutes and well worth it.

My favorite lines-
There wasn't a thing that man couldn't sell ya.

Cops walked in
Dog pullin' on a chain
Lookin' for a woman ran in from the rain
They sat out front eating fried chicken
While I sat shivering in a shed out behind the kitchen.

And that final verse gives me goosebumps
 
The river is risin'
Sky's gettin' darker
My mind keeps playin'
some old Junior Parker
Three days waitin'
All alone by the tracks
Lyin' to myself that man's coming back
He said he'd come around unless he was dead
guess he took another woman or a bullet in the head
I'm never goin' back to Memphis.

I love to listen to the lyrics of a song. The Man usually disregards most of the lyrics and focuses in on the melody. What do you primarily tune in to when listening to music? Are there any songs right now that you're really into? I'd love to expand my repertoire. So lay them on me in the comments.

The Cover for STATIC by S.K. Anthony Is Here!

Hi, everybody! S. K. Anthony, author extraordinaire and fun blogger has a new book coming out! And I get to reveal the cover! Woot! Let's get to it.


STATIC

The Luminaries

Book Two

Title: STATIC

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Release Date: September 2015

Cover Design: Regina Wamba of Mae I Design

Synopsis:

Kevin Pierce is a teleporter, a ladies’ man, and a loyal friend . . . or so he thought.

As a genetically altered Luminary, he helps the government bring down some of the most dangerous criminals. Not very challenging if you have his special abilities. But when a group of rebel Luminaries attacks his Organization the fight for survival begins.



One shattering event after another tests the depth of his relationships, his sanity, and his powers. Emotionally torn, Kevin must choose carefully where his loyalty lies. In the middle of all the unexpected chaos he gets the biggest shock of his life when he’s faced by a betrayal he never saw coming. Angry, injured, and ready to even the score, Kevin goes Static . . .

 

Add it to your Goodreads *here*

About the Author:

S. K. Anthony is a writer, a reader and a make-stuff-up-er who lives in New York with her husband and toddler twins. She is a wine connoisseur, which just really means she knows she loves it, and a caffeine addict. When she isn’t busy with her family she finds herself being transported into the world of imagination. Well, either that or running away from spiders…she is convinced they are out to get her!

Stalk S.K. Anthony here:

Blog ~ Facebook ~ Goodreads ~ Twitter ~ Google + ~ Pinterest



You can find Book One here:

Amazon            ~  Barnes and Noble  

Createspace    ~  Amazon Ca 

Amazon UK    ~  Goodreads






The book sounds great! Do you know S. K.? Have you helped with cover reveals and book launches? Until next time, Citizens!

Quick Update

Hey guys! I know I don't talk a lot about writing on here, so some of you may have forgotten that I actually do write things other than ridiculous Muumuu quests.

So I entered a Twitter contest called #Pitchwars sponsored by @brendadrake. She's amazing, guys. Totally follow her on Twitter. She's amazingly supportive of the writing community and so, so generous.

Anywho, gushing aside, I was chosen to have a mentor to work on my pool hustler manuscript last night. When I found out, I was all like...

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My mentor's name is Natasha Raulerson, and she's awesome, y'all. You can find her on Twitter here @RaulersonWrites.

So I just wanted to share with you all, because you're such a fantastic writing community. Soon there will be more craziness around here on the blog, and tomorrow I'm revealing S. K. Anthony's cover for her upcoming release! So back to your regularly scheduled lives, Citizens!

I Survived The Birthday Party!

Oldest Urchin's pool birthday party was last Saturday night, and I did not walk away unscathed. (Shocking, I know.)

First, as we came to a stop at the end of our street on our way to the pool, the crockpot containing hotdogs that I'd been cooking most of the day, tipped over and spilled its entire contents--greasy water and all--onto the floor of the minivan. (Our beleaguered van is over a dozen years old, and apparently angers the local deer population as its been attacked by one deer and had numerous near misses.)

Based on smell, and yes, a little on appearance, I am now the pilot of the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.

Ahh, the glory of my life.

Since the hot dogs and mac-n-cheese were the main staples of what I was serving that night, we had to stop and buy emergency pizzas on the way.  Little Caesar's was the only place en route. I'll just say here, I'm not a fan.

In the over-exuberance of Oldest Urchin and her friends, the beginning of the party resembled the caddy swim in Caddyshack. Thankfully minus the doody.



And what is it with giving cash to an eleven year old? At least 3 of the kids gave Oldest a card with five bucks inside as their present. Totally weird.

In the end though, a good time was had by all. And as we drove away into the sunset, the smell of overcooked hot dogs wafting from our open windows, the girls declared it a rollicking good time. So for my sanity and the sake of the photo album, I'm calling it a total win.

So. How was your weekend?

This Isn't A Post

Really. Go to the previous post. Or click on the topic appropriate re-runs below. This is just a post about how I'm going to post soon.

I'm home from vacation. The back yard carnival is over, and Oldest Urchin's birthday is coming up. Which means, not only am I getting around to your blogs again, Tongue In Cheek will be chock full of epic craziness soon.

But for now, you can enjoy an epic craziness post from last summer's vacation to tide you over involving dueling banjos and a crazed muumuu search.

And new posts will be coming soon. (You've been warned.)

I Dig Them Up

It's up to you to decide whether or not to watch them. Here are some ca-RAAA-zy videos. Warning: you will never get the time back that you spent watching them. Plus, you may never get over it. Tongue In Cheek and its affiliates are not responsible for loss of time or brain cells in the watching of these videos. Watch at your own risk.

First--Charo


Next--Hasselhoff


I share with love. Truly. You needed to know these things existed. You're now a better person.

You're welcome.

A Vacation Re-Run

The Quinns are on vacation. So feel for me. I'm camping. At the beach. To some this sounds great. To me? Not so much. Anywho...I'm embarrassed to tell you how long ago this re-run is from.  So just sit back and enjoy my country music song writer envy.

Country music song writers are great storytellers. As you may have read a few posts back, redneck seems to be rubbing off on me because I recently started listening to country music. But I have to say that I've gained a great deal of respect for them this year.

In the past I thought of country music as some kind of twisted joke. I was convinced the old saying was true. What do you get when you play a country song backwards? You get your car back, your wife back, your heart back, your old hound dog back, your house back, etc. I never for a second thought that I'd be appreciative of their skill in setting scenes and evoking emotion with only a few lines. Lines that rhyme to boot! As a writer this fascinates me. These authors create an evocative story that can be told in three minutes. For instance, here's one of my recent favorites penned and sung by Dierks Bentley--What Was I Thinking. Check out this beginning.

Becky was a beauty from south Alabama.
Her Daddy had a heart like a nine pound hammer.
I think he even did a little time in the slammer.
What was I thinkin'?

Those are the first four lines of his hit What Was I Thinkin'? The second line is awesome! Such description! Definite use of hook in my opinion.

Tim McGraw and The Warren Brothers wrote this next one. It's a fictionalized letter prepared by a soldier in case he dies in the line of duty. It's called If You're Reading This, and I can't listen to it because it makes me cry every time, but that doesn't mean I don't love it. Here's a section out of the middle.

If you’re reading this
Half way around the world
I won’t be there to see the birth of our little girl
I hope she looks like you
I hope she fights like me
Stands up for the innocent and the weak
I’m laying down my gun
I’m hanging up my boots
Tell dad I don’t regret that I followed in his shoes

So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed that it would go
And if you’re reading this
I’m already home

The emotion evoked is stellar. Something I feel that I don't go far enough with in my writing. I can't seem to open up enough, or be courageous enough, to pour my emotions into my writing, which inevitably, I believe, will hold it back.

Here's some great setting and character description from Redneck Yacht Club by Craig Morgan.

Bass-trackers, Bayliners and a party barge,
Strung together like a floating trailer park,
Anchored out and gettin' loud all summer long.
Side by side, there's five houseboat front porches,
Astroturf, lawn chairs and tiki torches.
Regular Joes rocking the boat, that's us:
The Redneck Yacht Club.

Bermuda's, flip-flops and a tank-top tan:
He popped his first top at ten a.m.: that's Bob,
He's our president.

I love the description of their president. Nineteen words, and he's captured. I can completely visualize him.

And as a romance writer, I have to put some sweet stuff in too. Here's the last verse of Little Moments by Brad Paisley.

When she's layin' on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark
And about the time she falls asleep so does my right arm
And I want so bad to move it 'cause it's tinglin' and it's numb
But she looks so much like an angel that I don't wanna wake her up
Yeah I live for little moments
When she steals my heart again and doesn't even know it
Yeah I live for little moments like that

So there's a few examples, all done with an economy of well-chosen words, perfectly strung together. Man, that's something as a writer I definitely am trying to aspire to.

No one who knew me in the past would ever believe that I'd become a country fan. It's got to be that redneck really is contagious. I refuse to believe anything else.

I'm Scared I Might Grow A Chrysalis

And I can't figure it out. I want to watch Hee Haw re-runs and eat lemon Jello. I want to wear my Slayer concert tee shirt with fuzzy bunny slippers. I want to eat shrimp puffs while downing tequila shots.

I'm in a mood.

But what I'm really afraid of is that it's a metamorphosis. I'll fall asleep and somehow grow a chrysalis.

Or like Gregor, awake to find myself a cockroach. What does a person feel like before taking on some hideous physical transformation? Do they crave Ho Ho's and tomato juice?

I guess I'm just not feeling like myself.

It doesn't help that where ever I go, people look at me like this:

Hold on while I consult the Magic Eight Ball to see how this will turn out. Hmmmmmmmmm. "Outlook not so good".

Not what I was hoping to hear. Seems strange things are afoot at the Circle K, I mean Chez Quinn. Let's hope it straightens itself out soon. But if you happen to look out your window and see something like this:



You may want to run too.

Melissa Maygrove Has A New Release!!

Hi Everybody! Did you know that Melissa Maygrove has a new book? Her second novel, Precious Atonement, is now available! Check it out!!

Precious Atonement is a companion novel to her highly-rated debut titled Come Back.

(You can read her Tongue In Cheek Sea Monkey interview for her first book HERE.)

Ruined women don’t hope, 

killers don’t dream, 

and the dead don’t feel pain.

 

Cover image designed by Carrie Butler

Forward Authority Design Services

Rachel Emerson is resigned to live as a spinster. Her parents keep her shameful secret, and her only brother, Seth, vanished mere days after witnessing her rape, taking her dishonor with him and giving them all an alibi for their grief. But none of that matters. Appearances are useless if she can’t bear the touch of a man.

Jacob Evans welcomes pain as much as he seeks to escape it. The graves of his wife and child remind him of his sins every day. When Lawrence Emerson offers him a job and a chance to move west, Jacob permits himself a fresh start. But letting go of his past is only an illusion. Lawrence’s sweet, shy daughter captures Jacob’s heart and provides him a perfect tool for self-torment.

Despite painful lessons of the past, history soon threatens to repeat itself, and as Jacob’s love for Rachel grows, so does his agony. Giving his precious new wife the life she deserves might cost him the very thing he values most—her.

 ~~~

Precious Atonement 

by Melissa Maygrove

Genre: Western Historical Romance

Category: Adult

Heat level: Hot in places

Released by Truelove Press July 22, 2015

Content warning: Although the moral context of the story is old fashioned, 

Precious Atonement contains descriptions of physical intimacy, adult themes including rape, 

and violence including sexual violence. It is intended for mature readers.

You can find the book here:
Kindle ~ Paperback ~ Nook

And you can find Melissa here:
Website ~ Blog ~ Facebook 
Twitter @MelissaMaygrove

Don't forget to add Precious Atonement to your Goodreads.

To be notified of news and future new releases, sign up for Melissa's newsletter.

Thanks for stopping by the blog, Melissa! Do you know Melissa? Have you participated in her awesome Follow Fest in the past?

Until next time, Citizens!

I'm Impatient

Impatience, thy name is Ava.

This is me right now.
About everything.




With sporadic upgrades to this:



I occasionally want to say things like this to my email inbox:


And this is a new thing for me. I'm usually very patient, but my well has run dry. For the past year I've been doing too much volunteering and not taking any time for myself. I also seem to be surrounded by people (in the real world, not on the internets, and not The Man or Urchins) that only want to be bothered with me if I'm doing something for them.

So, I'm reacting poorly. If anyone asks something from me, I want to do this:



Of course I reign it in. A bit. But I'm not biting when people hint around that they want me to do something. Which is completely out of character for me. So, I'm coming to grips with this whole new feeling.

How are you guys doing? Any tips on how to elegantly or effectively say no?
 

Happy Independence Day!!

Enjoy a childhood favorite--Schoolhouse Rock!



Do you remember watching Schoolhouse Rock? Which were your favorites?

Have a safe and happy Fourth of July!

Psst..Secret Confession Number Four

Just in case you're keeping track:
Secret Confession I
Secret Confession II
Secret Confession III

Now onto Secret Confession IV

I still use hair scrunchies. And I even, on occasion, wear them in public*.

Any shocking revelations you'd like to share? The comments are all yours.



*Please don't judge me.

What Songs Do You Turn Up?

There are certain songs you just have to play loud. Ones you wish you could turn all the way up to eleven. Here are a few of my favorite songs to jam - in no particular order.

Who Are You - The Who
Got My Mojo Working - Muddy Waters
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Thunderstruck - AC/DC
Love Struck Baby - Stevie Ray Vaughn
Master of Puppets - Metallica
Nessa Dorma - Luciano Pavarotti
Institutionalized - Suicidal Tendencies
Been Caught Stealing - Jane's Addiction (Though, this is tied with Coming Down The Mountain)
When The Levee Breaks - Led Zeppelin
Shadow of the Season - Screaming Trees
Voodoo Chile - Jimi Hendrix
Higher Ground - RHCP cover


Honorable Mention
Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones
A Little Less Conversation - Elvis
Bad Girls - Donna Summer
Even Flow - Pearl Jam
Bitch Better Have My Money - Amg (I hang my head in shame, but I can't deny enjoying this song.)

There are a lot more on my list, but I figured I wouldn't share them all. Leave an air of mystery surrounding me. So, give. What songs make your arm have that involuntary reaction to turn up the volume as soon as you hear them? I promise not to tease you, even if it's Tunes by Englebert Humperdink to Hum in the Shower.

Is That A Train?

I'm coming to the light at the end of the tunnel, or the end of my rope. Whichever comes first.

Got back yesterday afternoon from chaperoning 30 Girl Scouts through tours of Corning, NY's glass museum and Niagara Falls. It was awesome, yet exhausting.

Now I'm back on the horse getting all the last minute prep stuff done for the final science day. 200 third through fifth graders this time. Possibilities of thundershowers every day, including the day we're scheduled to go. And this morning one of the park naturalists asked if it was possible to change her station so that the kids--all 200 of them--could go into the water and look for macro-invertebrates. Which I would love for them to do. But not with TWO DAYS NOTICE!!!!

So I'm emailing people, including the principal--who has not yet mastered the mystery that is the reply button on said emails--and trying not to lose my ever loving mind.

Writing, you say? What writing? Is there such a thing? Why yes, yes there is. Just not a lot of it going on at Chez Quinn at the moment.*

But there will be.

Soon.

I'm determined.

Book revisions. Blog posts that are funny and not complaints. IT WILL HAPPEN. Very. Soon.

You've been warned, Citizens.

For now, I have to get back to drowning in crazy. Thanks for stopping by! Come again!



*Two weeks ago I was in writing paradise-aka writing retreat. MUCH revising got done then, just not this week. Next week? Look out!

Good-Bye B.B. King

As I sit in paradise, also know as writers' retreat, some sadness filtered in. I heard that B.B. King, the original Beale Street Blues Boy, has passed away at the age of 89. He was one of the last original blues men of the era. And a serious class act. He was a gentleman, a generous artist and an amazing musician.

I've seen him perform four times and each show was outstanding. He was polite, funny, generous and so, so talented. He will be missed by many. Back in 2011 I wrote a post about him, and I'd like to share it here. 

B.B King Is A National Treasure

Chez Quinn started the year off right. Not only did The Man and I get to go on a date, but he took me to see B. B. King. It was an outstanding show.

We've seen B. B. King on two other occasions. The first time was a few days before 9/11 in Hershey, PA where he performed with Buddy Guy (who is AWESOME too) and John Hiatt. The second time was three and a half years ago when I was eight months pregnant. So technically, the youngest urchin has been to a B. B. King concert too. The sound table was obstructing our view of that one. But things turned out fantastic because we were moved to the third row where I could see every fret on Lucille.

The Man and I really wanted to see him again, since we knew he's getting up there in age. He announced at the concert that he is now 85 years old. And let me tell you, the man can still rock. The singing and guitar playing were brilliant. Plus he talks to the crowd quite a bit and is funny as hell.

His band has been with him for years. The "new guy" has only been with him for twenty years, so you know these are top notch musicians. They put on a great show too.

After his performance, Mr. King threw guitar picks to the crowd, posed for pictures from the stage and signed anything handed to him. For thirty minutes. The man is a class act. He's been an ambassador for the United states and has toured over ninety countries.

On the way home, talking about the show, I informed The Man that B. B. King was a national treasure. In Japan, people can become living national treasures when they are "keepers of intangible cultural properties." And I believe with all my heart that B. B. King is one of The United States' living national treasures.

So The Man and I started playing one of our favorite games. "Who/What Would Be On Your List?" And I figured I'd play this game with you. Who would be on your list of Living National Treasures of the United States of America?

I'd truly love to know!

Send The Mojo

So things have been rough around Chez Quinn recently. The Man spent seven hours in the E.R. yesterday, but we confirmed that the pain in his left arm is not heart related. It's muscle related. Which is a big relief. But I really could use some better Juju around this place. I'm feeling a little like this Muddy Waters song.



Until next time, Citizens. Gotta say though, that my super villainy plans are sounding more and more reasonable.

Surviving The Strain On The Crazy Train

So, I'm drowning in my annual kid science days. I only got eight parent volunteers this year as opposed to 21 and 25 the two previous years. I have a new principal who doesn't know what he's doing and apparently lacks the ability to answer emails.

The first of the two days is this Friday, and I've done virtually everything myself. It's been a nightmare of epic proportions. So directly after I take 140 first and second graders tromping through the woods from science station to science station with seven teachers and eight parent volunteers, I'll be retreating to the hermetically sealed environs of My Happy Place.

Until it's time to do it again with 200 third, fourth and fifth graders next month.

Speaking of elementary schoolers. Why in the world didn't they offer a program like this when I was a kid? This ROCKS!!



They also perform Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix and James Brown. Among others.

If I survive, I will see you all next time, Citizens. Though I may be forced back into super villainy. Only time will tell.

Happy Easter, Peep Style!

I hope all who celebrate have a peaceful and happy Easter.



Enjoy some Peep fun!

What? A Re-Run You Say?

While all my blogging buddies are working their tuckuses (Tucki? Tuckus-es? hmmm.) off for the awesome April A to Z Challenge, I'm busy passing off a 2013 re-run. I bow my head in shame. All the same, enjoy this medicinally induced trip down memory lane. And to all my A to Z friends, I'll be stopping in tonight to root you on!!

Curse You, Head Cold I Was Unprepared For!

So I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom two days ago, rummaging around in the cabinet under the sink, looking for cold medicine. Which we apparently hadn't restocked from last year. I sat there, in my mucus haze, cursing the little three year old glazed-doughnut-monsters that had passed on their crusty germs to me and looking for anything that might provide relief.

This is how The Man stumbled upon me as I dazedly contemplated the decade old Benadryl in my hand, trying to remember what I knew about half-life potency of certain drugs. Which, whether sick or healthy, is pretty much diddly over squat.

Cautiously, like approaching an injured animal in the wild, The Man asked, "Whatcha got there?"

Clutching the medicine that expired in 2003 to my chest like it's My Preciousssss, I replied, "Nothing."

"Nothing, huh?"

"Just some medicine I think I might take."

"Lemme see it."

I shook my head, wishing immediately that I hadn't.

He gave me that disapproving look, the one he saves for when I've really gone off the reservation. The one that's part, "Do we really have to ride this train?" and "Why do I always have to be the responsible adult?"

After much coaxing and bribery by alcohol, he got me to release the medicine and brought me some whiskey with honey and lemon in it, which I sipped until he came back from the store with Nyquil and day time cough medicine.

That Man, I tell you. He's a keeper.

So I've been sick and wishing I could stay in bed, but nursery school duty calls and I must obey--since I'm hoping to give the germs right back to those little critters!

Anywho, until next time, Citizens, when I'll be talking about music and writing. Stay healthy! And if you see any little glazed doughnut monsters wiping their noses on their sleeves. . .  head the other way!

A Kick In The Ass I Need

I posted this video on the blog over six years ago, and it's just the kick in the ass I need.



Please know that I'm



Hoping all is well with you, Citizens.

I'm Not Really Here

Hi everyone. I've suffered a large personal disappointment and am having a tough time bouncing back into writing the funny stuff I'm known for around here. You know I don't get heavy on my blog, so I've been staying quiet. Please bear with me while I work through this. I will hopefully be back to my regular crazy soon. Until then, know I miss you guys. I'll try to make it around to some blogs soon.

Thanks.

~Ava

Happy Late Valentine's Day!

Happy late Valentine's Day, Citizens. The flu ravaged through our house this weekend, so we might have a do-over on the holiday next weekend.

Hope everyone else's was awesome. Tell me what you did in the comments so I can live vicariously through you!

Have You Heard The News?

Hi, everybody! I hinted two posts ago that I had some news. Some of you saw it on Twitter earlier this week, but in case you missed it, I wanted to let you know that I signed with Patricia Nelson of the Marsal Lyon Literary Agency.

I got The Call on January 23rd. And I did a lot of nervous talking. I'd been terrified anxiety-ridden worried that I wouldn't remember to be home to take the call. I know. You scoff, but after sleeping through not one, but two college finals, I've learned to be uber vigilant. So to remind myself and to smile whenever I passed it, I wrote it on our chalkboard.

The Urchins decorated it for me.

I'm really excited to be working with Patricia and to be a part of MLLA. I'll be starting revisions soon, which I'm looking forward to. I'm one of those deranged psychopathic polka-loving super villainous weird people who loves editing more than drafting.

It's only been five days since I signed, and now that some of the euphoria has let up, the ohmygodareyoucrazy has started to scratch at my back door. Those terrifying what ifs. What if I can't write the next book? What if everyone hates a pool hustler heroine? (It did get rejected by a publisher last month because of that.) What if I can't pull off book three? Or four for that matter?!? JEEZ What was I thinking? Someone get me a paper bag to breathe in. STAT!!



 But it hasn't escalated to total paralysis yet, so... yay!

I still have the science days that I'm planning for the Urchins' schools to do in the next few months. Which takes a lot of my time, but not as much as last year.

Now I have to talk myself into cutting back on all the volunteering I do. Speaking of which, I never did show pictures from the New Year's Eve Breeches Drop. Below, find Baby Breeches, the smaller yellow breeches that are dropped for the kids' count down at 10pm.

Lit up pants being lowered. No, the blue-haired old ladies weren't lit when they thought of this idea.

So that's the big news. I'm still in shock. Tomorrow I have my writers' meeting and will do a little celebrating there. And The Man will be taking the Urchins and myself out to dinner next week to officially celebrate my agented status.

I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend! And know that the craziness will be returning to Tongue In Cheek soon. Especially since I have a new obsession. No, not sideburn art. Not yarn bombing by vigilante knitters either. You'll just have to wait and see.

Until next time, Citizens!!

Loni Townsend's Sea Monkey Interview

Hi everyone! Please welcome Loni Townsend to Tongue In Cheek today. Loni, Tell us a little about yourself.

Loni Townsend
Wife. Mother. Writer. Ninja. Squirrel.

By day, she writes code. By predawn darkness, she writes fantasies. All other times, she writes in her head.

People call her peculiar with a twisted sense of fashion, but don't let those understatements fool you. Her behavior is perfectly normal for a squirrel disguised as a human. That's part of being a ninja—blending in.

She makes her home in Idaho with her sadistically clever—yet often thwarted—husband, two frighteningly brilliant children, and three sneaky little shibas.

Find her on her blog or social media.

Contact info:
Blog — http://www.lonitownsend.com
Facebook — http://www.facebook.com/squirreltalk
Twitter — https://www.twitter.com/LoniTownsend
Google+ — http://www.google.com/+LoniTownsend
Goodreads — https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7390512.Loni_Townsend

A.Q. - Thanks for agreeing to answer some interview questions about yourself and your new book.

Thank you for having me on your blog! I must say, the first time I came across your blog was when Melissa Maygrove linked to the boxing squirrels for the A-Z challenge. I couldn’t resist. I mean, squirrels! How could anyone resist them?

A.Q. -Exactly! So, What is your book about?

I always seize up when it comes to this question. It’s about a girl… Oh, wait, you mean I can just show you what’s on the back of the book? Well if that’s all it takes…

It’s her first day on a new world and Cera’s already found trouble. Michael, her guardian, has been bitten by a zombie and will soon join the undead ranks.

Everyone tells her there’s no cure, but Cera isn’t one to be deterred. She’s willing to face off with zombie hordes, demon slavers, and black market informants if it means she’ll find a cure for Michael. But she’s not the only one hunting for something.

Something is hunting her.

A.Q. - That sounds awesome. Can you share an interesting behind the scenes tidbit about your story?

I have a cannibalistic pygmy in my story! Okay, so that’s not really behind the scenes. But Fues (my pygmy) wasn’t a pygmy when I first conceived him. He was just a tribal huntsman. And he wasn’t a cannibal either. He became a pygmy after I walked up to my husband with the statement, “hey, I need help with an idea,” and my husband (not knowing at all what I was referring to) blurted, “add a cannibalistic pygmy.” It didn’t solve the problem I was working on at the time, but Fues morphed in that moment from just a tribal guy to a pygmy.

A.Q. - Lol! What is your favorite part of the story writing process?

My favorite part is staring off into space and watching the scene play out in my head. I occasionally mumble lines along with my characters. Usually my husband asks, “You’re thinking about your book, aren’t you?”

A.Q. - Writing can be such an isolated enterprise. Yet, I’m sure there are people who have helped, guided or inspired you along the way to becoming a published author. Could you tell us about one of them and how they helped you?

Inspired, yes. My husband is one of my inspirations. He’ll shout out ideas, meaning them completely in jest, and I’ll use them. Like Fues, mentioned above. He also said, “hey, wouldn’t it be cool if a zombie was haunted by its own ghost?” And thus, This World Bites was born.

A.Q. - Fantastic. What are you working on now/next?

I have two main projects and then a third I want to finish before the year is out. First and foremost on my mind is Isto, book 2 of the ninier series. I have a ton written for this book, but I keep tripping up on flow and timeline. So things keep changing. The second main project is a novella called Lust. It’s part of a collection I’m working on with six other authors. We’re each taking one of the deadly sins. The last project is Murder Most Fowl, the next Cera Chronicle. I wrote super quick installments for the A-Z challenge, but I want to fill it out, clean it up, and actually turn it into a good novella.

Now for the S.A.T. portion of the interview:

Fill in the blank –
If I were a villain, I would have _mechanical squirrels_ for minions to deliver my wrath because _we’re all a little nuts_______.  (And remember, sea monkeys are already spoken for. Mostly)

Sea Monkeys are to __Squirrels____ as zombie stinkbugs are to __sharks with lasers___.


A.Q. - Please tell us where we can find out more about you and where we can buy your books.

If you really do want to know more about me, I recommend my blog at  HYPERLINK. You can buy both of my books on Amazon, though This World Bites is also available through other stores.

This World Bites – Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/This-World-Bites-Townsend-Loni-ebook/dp/B00S74T0SO








Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24481680-this-world-bites
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/This-World-Bites-Townsend-Loni-ebook/dp/B00S74T0SO/
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1121064991?ean=9781941022047
Kobo: http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/this-world-bites
 
A.Q. - Thanks again for stopping in!

Thanks again for having me!

There's An Old Saying...

When you're ass deep in alligators, you tend to forget that your original job was to drain the swamp.

That about sums up life over here at Chez Quinn. Urchins are still sick. Youngest also has an infected ingrown toenail. My father-in-law was in the hospital again, but has been discharged. Two full critiques to finish before the end of the month. And Environmental Field Day.

What's that last one? (Feel free to skip this boring paragraph and watch the video below. It says the same thing, only differently.) 140 first and second graders one day. 190 3rd - 5th graders another. I write a curriculum for each on an environmental theme. Same topic, different age appropriate activities. I shop for all supplies, but create most from scratch. All outdoors at the local state park. 20 or so volunteers to make it work. 10 teachers. 4 buses. I'm in the activity and learning creation stage right now. Lots of research and lesson planning. When I can find the time.



But I'm refusing to let the Tongue In Cheek Year In Review Post be one day later than it is. So without further whiny excuses, here it is.

2014 Tongue In Cheek Year In Review

January
I revealed that I got an R and R from a publisher and asked you all to chime in on how to achieve balance in my life. I heeded all of your advice, applied it and am now a better person. (see above. Then see name of this blog.) I also went on a convoluted, conspiracy ridden tangent on why people should start wearing desks as the ultimate wardrobe accessory. I also did the 2013 Year in Review, and posted two reruns featuring Elvis sightings and dangerous polkas.

February
I lost a wonderful friend to ALS. I took notes on how to party hard from the 3 year olds and wished I could sport a rockin' diet coke mustache. I shared the conversation I had with my youngest Urchin in the public restroom about best uses of The Force for toilet flushing. And I expounded on the intimate relationship I was developing with the spinning beach ball of death on my dying computer. Among other things.

March
I wondered if I should AtoZ. I got a new computer. (yay!) I wished everyone a Happy St. Patrick's day via certain Muppets singing Danny Boy. Then the Scottish had their hilarious, bawdy say. I revealed my AtoZ theme, asking all the probing questions that arise here at Tongue in Cheek re: Polkapocalypses, 'Possum Queens, super villany, etc. And I shared something beautiful.

April
April was the A to Z Challenge. I am so glad I participated (but I won't be able to this year). My theme was "She Actually Posted That?-The best reruns this blog has to offer." There was super villainy, Hostile Polka takeovers, Zombie Stinkbugs, The merits of the mullet, my tribute to sideburn art, awkward taxidermy, conspiracy theories linking Bratz dolls to the imminent alien invasion, much 'Possum Queenin' and lots more of the run of the mill craziness that ensues here at Tongue In Cheek. And a good time was had by most.

May
Author interviews prevailed during the merry, merry month of May. Melissa Maygrove, Sara Walter Ellwood, and Victoria Smith all rocked the Sea Monkey SAT portion of the interview. I tortured harangued took complete advantage of The Man as he was trapped in the mini van with me for four hours by bouncing ideas off him about a plot point for my next book. The conversation went like most of our conversations. Those of you who've been around a while, know what I mean. I also went to paradise, aka writers' retreat.

June
The fabulous Marci Koski nominated me for a Liebster Award. I accepted. With vigor. And a side of crazy, but you guessed that already, I'm sure. I helped reveal Carol Kilgore's cover for Secrets of Honor. Beautimous! And I treated you all to another rerun. Wasn't that nice of me?

July
I found out that Earth has a club. And most likely a manifesto. A long one. Crystal Collier revealed her cover for Soulless. Gorgeous! I reposted an enduring question for the ages and used Barbie, Ken, GI Joe and The Princess Bride to illustrate it. Then I gave you a rerun in which we have even more fun with taxidermied squirrels. Plus lamented about the difficulties that dog every one of The Urchins' birthday parties. All while I was camping for two weeks. ...Why are you looking at me that way?

August
I was kidnapped by Carnies. And then some other stuff happened.

September
While on vacation, I saved my family from a goat reeking devil phone pole. When asked to describe myself for the wonderful Melissa Maygrove's Follow Fest, I wrote, "I recently escaped from evil kidnapping carny folk. I love roller derby, the hermetically sealed environs of my happy place and riding my motorcycle."

October
I asked for advice on how to hide all my crazy when talking to agents and editors at the NJRW conference. And then I took you on an unholy trek to the land of hideous mumus. And it was epic.

November
Crystal Collier traversed the author interview and Sea Monkey SATs. I shared how I mercilessly tortured Peeps over a campfire, and I related a crazy childhood story to illustrate the power of words. Among other things.

December
I was very distracted. I wished you Merry Christmas using Elvis. And I shared the concept of one word new years resolutions. All while presiding over the infamous New Year's Eve Breeches Drop hosted by the blue haired old ladies and their overworked minion. (me)

So that's all the crazy of 2014 in a really huge nutshell. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

As for 2015, I may have some really exciting news to reveal in the next couple of weeks.

AAAANND, Loni Townsend will be here next month to take the Tongue In Cheek author interview, complete with Sea Monkey SATs. Be sure to stop in to check it out.

Until next time, Citizens!

We Will Return To Our Regularly Scheduled Program...

Hi all! Didn't want you to think I've deserted you. The Urchins have been pretty sick for the past two weeks. The doctor I took Oldest Urchin to today thinks it might be whooping cough. So my time as of late has been all about Mommy Mode.

I haven't forgotten about the crazy New Year's Eve drop recap or the 2014 TiC year in review. They're just on hold for the moment until everyone's out of the sick ward (and I'm out of the psych ward from all the crazy over here).

Until then, Citizens, hope 2015 isn't treating you like a hackey sack!