Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Okay, Here's The Lowdown

Remember that polka intervention I had last year for my parents? Well, it turns out that I ticked off some pretty scary people. Apparently there is an underground organization out of Europe who took offense to some of my comments.

And now they've found me.

The terrorizing began innocently enough. Just a random polka heard from a passing car now and then. I started to get suspicious when a schnitzel truck began driving by Chez Quinn at regular intervals. Then they started coming en masse, blasting their polkas and *shudder* yodeling.

I got some footage of them. Keep an eye on that red car, because he's out of control.

Needless to say, I'm concerned.

But they aren't the only ones part of an underground organization. The Gnome Defense League leaves gno Gnome behind. So I started calling in some favors from my wet work days with them. And they stepped up. In spades.

First to show up was Ivan The Enforcer. Known for his Kneecap Knockout.

Then, Timmy Top Shot.

The rest of the crew hasn't arrived yet, but they've assured me through the Gnome Underground Network (G.U.N.) that reinforcements are on the way.

As for now, I'm keeping a low profile since we're still outnumbered. I've been warned they may try to take over here at Tongue in Cheek remotely, but the blog is sacred. That would mean all out war. I'm sure they don't want that.

My sources are still putting out feelers to find out their agenda. But it won't be long.

Power to the Gnomes, Citizens!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

I've Done Been Tagged

Susan Gourley, awesome fantasy author and all around wonderful person, tagged me over at her blog, Susan Says. I'm still lamenting the fact that I missed her book signing at the Midtown Scholar Bookstore yesterday. Not only didn't I get to catch up with Sue, but The Midtown is probably the best independent book seller in the area. So that's a double whammy of goodness that I missed out on. In my defense, I have had no voice and a wicked cough for three days now, so I haven't gone much of anywhere- not even out into the blogosphere.

Sue was tagged last week and answered a different set of questions. Be sure to head over to her blog to check out the answers she gave.

Anywho, here are the questions that Sue tagged me with. And my understanding is that I must answer truthfully. Hmmmm.

1. Are you a Kindle, Nook, Ipad or other? Or none?

Other - I read ebooks, of which I own more of than traditional books, on my laptop.

2. Who is smarter, you or your phone?
Me. Definitely, since my phone only makes calls. I am an openly admitted Techno Freak

3. Do you like two story or one story homes?
I grew up in a three story home, I currently live in a two story home, and as I age I'm definitely seeing the benefits of a one story. So, I guess my preference depends on the day.

4. Country born and bred or city slicker?
I'm originally a city slicker who has come under the influence of country, however unwillingly.

5. Cereal, toast, eggs or just coffee for breakfast?
Cereal. I have eaten Cheerios for breakfast almost every day of my entire life. Yes, I can be that boring.

6. What new show on TV has caught your interest this year?
Burn Notice. Absolute GOLD! I mean, Bruce Campbell? Come on! And Gabrielle Anwar as a former IRA who deals arms internationally? And Jeffrey Donovan is something very nice to look at, dontyouthink? Great stories, good acting, and tons o' fun. Plus. BRUCE CAMPBELL!

7. Have you ever bought a celebrity book? About whom?

Okay. Fine. It was the eighties, and I was truly going to marry him. It was fated. Tiger Beat Magazine's celebrity compatibility quiz foretold that he was my optimal celebrity match. And a little piece of me will always belong to him. *sigh* John Schneider.

8. What is your favorite guilty snack?
Do I have to pick just one? I guess it would be rippled pototato chips and good dip.

9. What was your favorite cartoon character growing up?
Again, just one? I did an entire post dedicated to my favorites.

10. Do you pack your lunch or carry it?
I eat at home. Peanut butter and jelly, just about every day. Again, sad answers when it comes to the food.

11. What book have you read over and over again?
Mostly children's books to the Urchins. I have many a Sandra Boynton memorized as well as My Good Night Book, illustrated by Eloise Wilkin. (I've always loved her illustrations)

So there you go! I now will tag two more unsuspecting bystanders who must answer these three questions! WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? WHAT is your favorite . . . Oops, wait, I strayed off into Monty Python and the Holy Grail again. I hate when that happens. Here are the real questions.

1. When is your favorite time to write?

2. What would you like to change about the place where you write?

3. Who is your favorite villain?

4. Which do you prefer, Mel Brooks movies or Monty Python's?

5. Who is your favorite character from The Princess Bride?

6. If you could meet anyone living today, who would it be?

7. What is your favorite dish that your mom used to make for you?

8. What song are you really into right now?

9. If you had a kickass Halloween costume party to go to, and you had unlimited resources to prepare, what would you go as?

10. Who from your past would you FB stalk, but never want to see in real life?

So there they are. I personally, think #4 is the hardest of them all. So go on over to

Misty Simon's blog


M. J. Fifield's blog

to see how they answered. Because TAG they're it!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Lookee What I Got

Ava Quinn, contemporary western romance, cowboy romance, contemporary western romance novels, funny blog, contemporary western romance author, zombie response team, humor blog,

for Valentine's Day!

No, not a new rack. Those are homegrown, not silicone, baby. The shirt!

And yes, I absolutely love it. The Man hit it out of the park this year. It's one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite novels, describing my favorite character. The Man done good!

So any Valentine's Day gifts you'd like to share? It doesn't have to be from this year. Or how about, what would your all time favorite Valentine's Day gift be?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

You Got Here How?

Yes there are many ways to find me here at Tongue In Cheek. My mother would be so proud of some of the most popular search terms that land people on my electronic doorstep. Phrases such as:

possum tongue - Though who is looking for possum tongue, I'll hopefully never know.

possum ninja - Naturally. Who wouldn't be searching for possum ninjas. In fact. I may need to recruit some to be my new minions.

hillbilly carnival - Yes, that would be here.

big belly overalls - See above. They go hand in hand, or belly in denim as the case may be.

old man helmet red high heels - Okay. Yes. That gets you here. (I strongly advise against clicking that link as there is also a leopard print banana hammock involved.)

And the all time most sought out key words that will land you here are Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Yes, ever since I publicly admitted my love of the evil dr, many have ended up here at the craziness that is TiC.

So, dare you admit what landed you here in my web? Inquiring minds want to know!

Monday, February 6, 2012

They Just Keep Upping The Ante

Here they are again. Ok Go with their new release, Needing/Getting. And another fantastic video. Love the sentiment of the song. Enjoy!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

My Annual Groundhog Day Freakout

IM conversation between me and The Man earlier:

Me: Where do we keep our Liquid Nails?

The Man: Ummmm, at the store where they sell it?

Me: Ok. Do we have any more expanding foam? I broke our can of it and could really use some.

TM: Where are you?

Me: At home. Duh.

TM: What the hell are you doing?

Me: Nothing, at the moment, because I don't have the proper tools. Thus the questions. So are you going to help me out or what?

TM: I'm afraid to ask with what.

Me: Just the info I need. So what about the foam?

TM: I'm not answering that.

Me: Fine. But know this, if you're not with me you're against me. Just like the Urchins.

TM: I'm okay with that. Now can I get back to class?

Me: Fine, but we may need to go out to dinner tonight until the fumes disperse.

TM: Why?

Me: Why do we need to evacuate from fumes?

TM: No. Why all this?

Me: It's Groundhog Day.

TM: (silence) (more silence) Of course it is.

Yes, I have descended into the madness of spring cleaning and it's all the fault of that damn groundhog.

Growing up, I lived in a three story center hall colonial that was owned by my grandmother. Three generations under one roof. Let me tell you, it was no picnic most days.

But to add to the festivities, my grandmother, the matriarch of the household who could chew nails and spit rust, filled her home with antiques. Antiques that she acquired or fixed on her own. The house was like a museum. Only a museum where you'd never see everything, even if you lived there.

Believe me. I know.

This house had nine rooms, one and a half baths and three large halls. Plus a storage room and cellar. All full up to the brim with antiques. And we cleaned all of it. One room at a time. Now, when I say clean, I mean clean. My grandmother grew up on a farm and lived through the Great Depression. She knew how to clean a house.

First you'd empty out the room of the furniture. Then the curtains would be taken down and washed. Then you'd scrub the walls and ceilings. Next you would shampoo the oriental rugs by hand after beating them as they hung over the outdoor clothesline. Next you'd refinish the pine wood floors with homemade shellac. (Don't get me started on home made shellac.) Next every piece of furniture was dusted, waxed and polished. (We had 63 chairs in that house alone. I kid you not.) After that, all the knickknacks, most as fragile as egg shell, had to be dusted and put back exactly where they belonged. (There were three corner cupboards filled to almost overflowing, not to mention the deep windowsills and other tables, etc.) After all that, you reassembled the room. The whole process took several days of non-stop cleaning.

Then you started on the next one. Shampoo, rinse and repeat. Twelve times.

Now at my house, for the majority of the year, I rebel against the mantra that was pounded into my head from a very young age - A place for everything and everything in its place. But right before Groundhog Day I find myself blurting it out.

And I know, it's time. The groundhog is my alarm. Spring is coming. And along with it, spring cleaning.

But this year, I've taken it one step further and into the realm of home repair. And I know I wouldn't be going that far if it weren't for the fact that my wonderful dog is dying. Everyday, it's a little harder for her to get up. A little harder to get around. She's eating less and less. I give her love every time I walk past. I tell her she's a good girl and I just want to bawl.

So I'm throwing myself into my spring cleaning with even more zealous gusto than usual. Here, right in front of me - this house- is something I can fix. Something I can put right.

And so right now I'm obsessive and fanatical and Puritanical in my need to cleanse and repair and it's all the groundhog's fault.

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