The After Party Squatters

As you can imagine, the celebration of rousting those polka playing demons was epic. I mean, the severity of alcohol that moonshiners and yard gnomes drink on a normal day is outrageous. But when they have a real reason to let loose? Well, you know they got out of hand.

It started somewhat innocently enough. A lot of rabble rousing, some good-natured ribbing.



But before you know it, each of them were quick to show their fighting side. The rednecks introduced the gnomes to some of their yard games.




When one of the hillbillies decided to replace one of the fashion heads with a gnome, all hell broke loose and I had a full blown smack down, drag out brawl on my hands.

It lasted all week. I finally got most of them to move on, though there are still a few holdouts that are now officially squatters on my property. But it's the price you pay for a polka free home.

Speaking of a polka free home, I'm worried about the influence on my readers that all the hijacked polka blog entries may have possibly had on you guys. So I will be doing a mass polka intervention via the blog soon.

Until then, Citizens. Beware the squatting gnomes.

The Polka Apocalypse Has Ended

It was a long and grueling struggle, but the Gnome/Hillbilly Contingency prevailed. We rousted those polka playing zealots right back to the underground where they belong.

With the Gnome Defense League's infamous element of surprise on our side and the crack redneck special forces behind us, we handed them their asses.

We had gnomes hidden everywhere - armed to the teeth.





We even had Gnome Commandos dropping from the roof like a scourge of the skies.



We meant business.

But don't be fooled. The schnitzel truck was no easy target. Those polka fiends brought the big guns. Literally.




It was a fierce and bloody battle and there were casualties on both sides.



But as the Redneck S.W.A.T. team laid down cover fire, a hootin' and a-hollerin' the whole time, Ninja Gnome crept in and planted explosives on the schnitzel truck.



And the war was won!



The after party was what legends are made of. It went on for a week. I've finally just taken back my yard. That's what took so long in bringing you the final update on the Polka Apocalypse.

Look for the party recap soon. Until then, Citizens: Beware the demon rhythms of the Polka!!!

It's Time

THE TARGET:



THE TEAM:



THE ASSAULT VEHICLE:

THE CRACK HILLBILLY CONTINGENCY:



I mean, are they not the Charlie's Angels of rednecks?

I've gotten some intel back on the enemy. Most of the early disconcerting pictures have a striking resemblance to the famous images of the retreating Sasquatch. But I've finally received some definitive information on their most infamous polkaing teams. Their lederhosen are color coded based on their areas of expertise.

GREEN - Camouflage infiltration and snipers.



ORANGE - Demolitions experts.

picture from theguardian.com

I'm not sure what these guys do yet, but I have my suspicions.

huffingtonpost.com

Right now that's not important. Everything's set in motion. By this time tomorrow, God willing, I'll have my blog back.

The Polka Underground is going down!

We Interrupt This Hostile Takeover

to wish you a happy St. Patrick's Day and to show you this.

Ignoren Ze Previous Post

I'm not with the knowing of how zat other post got un ze blog. Ava Quinn is a loving to ze polkas now. Just watch und see her in her lederhosen und vatching the yodeling with the raptures.



Polka forever!

I Don't Have Much Time

They've infiltrated the blog. It's the schnitzel truck. They've hacked in and are broadcasting their polka agenda like some crazed military state from inside it. That truck is decked out with state of the art equipment. There may even be satellite involvement. I'm getting the Gnome Team assembled, but it's going to take time.

I do have some local back-up. Remember those sad rednecks that were ready to pledge their allegiance to the 'Possum Queen? Well, they're ready to roll.



They even have a little surprise in store for the schnitzel truck.

I can't say more. This line is being monitored. But don't fall for the polka propaganda. Ava Quin is still anti-polka!

More Guten Polka!

Here in the Tongue In The Cheek we do love the Polkas. They are guten with the family of little ones. Nein do the Ava Quinn hate it. She is loving to it now. Ja.

She say enjoy and to ignore the dead chickens in the rooftops.



Long Live Polka!

Ja Tongue In Cheek She Loves Ze Polkas

Tongue In Cheek is loving un good polka. Ja. She is with the getting of the down with it. Doing the jiggy things. Ja. Just watch this und you vill see her in ze crowd.



Long Live Ze Polka!

Okay, Here's The Lowdown

Remember that polka intervention I had last year for my parents? Well, it turns out that I ticked off some pretty scary people. Apparently there is an underground organization out of Europe who took offense to some of my comments.

And now they've found me.

The terrorizing began innocently enough. Just a random polka heard from a passing car now and then. I started to get suspicious when a schnitzel truck began driving by Chez Quinn at regular intervals. Then they started coming en masse, blasting their polkas and *shudder* yodeling.

I got some footage of them. Keep an eye on that red car, because he's out of control.



Needless to say, I'm concerned.

But they aren't the only ones part of an underground organization. The Gnome Defense League leaves gno Gnome behind. So I started calling in some favors from my wet work days with them. And they stepped up. In spades.

First to show up was Ivan The Enforcer. Known for his Kneecap Knockout.




Then, Timmy Top Shot.

The rest of the crew hasn't arrived yet, but they've assured me through the Gnome Underground Network (G.U.N.) that reinforcements are on the way.

As for now, I'm keeping a low profile since we're still outnumbered. I've been warned they may try to take over here at Tongue in Cheek remotely, but the blog is sacred. That would mean all out war. I'm sure they don't want that.

My sources are still putting out feelers to find out their agenda. But it won't be long.

Power to the Gnomes, Citizens!

I've Done Been Tagged

Susan Gourley, awesome fantasy author and all around wonderful person, tagged me over at her blog, Susan Says. I'm still lamenting the fact that I missed her book signing at the Midtown Scholar Bookstore yesterday. Not only didn't I get to catch up with Sue, but The Midtown is probably the best independent book seller in the area. So that's a double whammy of goodness that I missed out on. In my defense, I have had no voice and a wicked cough for three days now, so I haven't gone much of anywhere- not even out into the blogosphere.

Sue was tagged last week and answered a different set of questions. Be sure to head over to her blog to check out the answers she gave.

Anywho, here are the questions that Sue tagged me with. And my understanding is that I must answer truthfully. Hmmmm.

1. Are you a Kindle, Nook, Ipad or other? Or none?

Other - I read ebooks, of which I own more of than traditional books, on my laptop.

2. Who is smarter, you or your phone?
Me. Definitely, since my phone only makes calls. I am an openly admitted Techno Freak

3. Do you like two story or one story homes?
I grew up in a three story home, I currently live in a two story home, and as I age I'm definitely seeing the benefits of a one story. So, I guess my preference depends on the day.

4. Country born and bred or city slicker?
I'm originally a city slicker who has come under the influence of country, however unwillingly.

5. Cereal, toast, eggs or just coffee for breakfast?
Cereal. I have eaten Cheerios for breakfast almost every day of my entire life. Yes, I can be that boring.

6. What new show on TV has caught your interest this year?
Burn Notice. Absolute GOLD! I mean, Bruce Campbell? Come on! And Gabrielle Anwar as a former IRA who deals arms internationally? And Jeffrey Donovan is something very nice to look at, dontyouthink? Great stories, good acting, and tons o' fun. Plus. BRUCE CAMPBELL!




7. Have you ever bought a celebrity book? About whom?

Okay. Fine. It was the eighties, and I was truly going to marry him. It was fated. Tiger Beat Magazine's celebrity compatibility quiz foretold that he was my optimal celebrity match. And a little piece of me will always belong to him. *sigh* John Schneider.



8. What is your favorite guilty snack?
Do I have to pick just one? I guess it would be rippled pototato chips and good dip.

9. What was your favorite cartoon character growing up?
Again, just one? I did an entire post dedicated to my favorites.

10. Do you pack your lunch or carry it?
I eat at home. Peanut butter and jelly, just about every day. Again, sad answers when it comes to the food.

11. What book have you read over and over again?
Mostly children's books to the Urchins. I have many a Sandra Boynton memorized as well as My Good Night Book, illustrated by Eloise Wilkin. (I've always loved her illustrations)

So there you go! I now will tag two more unsuspecting bystanders who must answer these three questions! WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? WHAT is your favorite . . . Oops, wait, I strayed off into Monty Python and the Holy Grail again. I hate when that happens. Here are the real questions.

1. When is your favorite time to write?

2. What would you like to change about the place where you write?

3. Who is your favorite villain?

4. Which do you prefer, Mel Brooks movies or Monty Python's?

5. Who is your favorite character from The Princess Bride?

6. If you could meet anyone living today, who would it be?

7. What is your favorite dish that your mom used to make for you?

8. What song are you really into right now?

9. If you had a kickass Halloween costume party to go to, and you had unlimited resources to prepare, what would you go as?

10. Who from your past would you FB stalk, but never want to see in real life?

So there they are. I personally, think #4 is the hardest of them all. So go on over to

Misty Simon's blog

and

M. J. Fifield's blog

to see how they answered. Because TAG they're it!