Sickness Bites

So I've been home for a few days, and illness of the flu variety has taken over the house. I don't think The Man followed the specific directions I left for the appeasement of the Sea Monkey Tribe. I can't be too mad at him since he had his hand operated on on Tuesday. The sick relative is now out of the hospital, but at home recuperating.

As I write this, I have a fever and a bucket at my feet. Since I don't want to cyber contaminate you, I'll send you off to others. So it's time to see the sites.

Over at Victoria Smith's blog she's talking about a mouse infestation and general chaos.

At Natalie Damshroder's blog, she has a worthy cause to fill you in on.

At As the Coconuts Drop, the title of today's entry is "did that condom just speak?" Only proceed to today's post if you have a strong constitution. I'll check it out when I feel better.

Over at Lazlo's Closet, they're discussing the summer apocalypse in the form of movies.

Alright that is as far as I can steer you. I need to go use my bucket now. Until next time!

Retreat Update

So it has been a crazy, crappy, wonderful, topsy-turvy, high and low week. Here's the recap.

Monday, an hour after my last post, I got a call that one of my close family members was admitted to the hospital with some serious ailments. Some of which he had been treated successfully for in the past, but one was new. I decided I wasn't going to the retreat because The Man wanted to be helpful, and wouldn't be as effective if I left. So I decided responsibilities could shift to me, and he'd be free to do what he needed to do. But The Man wasn't having it. He told me to wait and see. Which, I have to admit, was prudent.

The family member slowly improved, and it looked like other members of the family were stepping up to help out so it all didn't fall on The Man's shoulders, which was great.

Bottom line, I went, but with reservations. I was worried about the one in the hospital and how The Man and family were holding up. So I was very distracted.

And also there was the guilt. I'm good at guilt. I can manufacture guilt out of thin air. I'd win more gold medals in the Guilt Olympics than Michael Phelps. I am the Michael Phelps of the Guilt Olympics. (Where are my endorsements?)

So needless to say, I didn't get as much writing done as I really wanted to.

I did paint my nails. For the first time in about ten years. Andrew Grey, who just joined the writing group and attended the retreat said my toenails looked like a demented three year old had painted them. So, I guess I'm a little out of practice. Maybe I'll take a picture of them and let you all decide.

I'm on another CPRW author's blog from the retreat, doing a video diary comparing hair, but you actually get to see my face, so I'm not telling which author it is. Vicki, Sue and Natalie will know, but no telling girls! Natalie was in it too, briefly sniffing my hair.

I made small amounts of progress on three different WIPs. I just couldn't settle down and get to business since I was worried about the home front. The other ladies' word counts were very impressive. Mine . . . not so much. I only wrote a total of a little over 5,000 words from Thursday night to Sunday morning. I also worked on some editing, completing some second round, light edits on about twenty to twenty-five pages of material from the same three WIPs.

So, progress was made. I had some good fun. And laughed like crazy Saturday night. All in all, it was a moderately successful retreat as far as the writing was concerned, but on a personal level - it was a blast. Much better than a jail term masquerading as a spa getaway. And this way, I didn't have to make anyone my bitch.

Retreat Readiness

Writer's retreat is only three and a half excruciating days away. I. Can't. Wait. Actually it's good that I have three more days to prepare. I haven't packed, though I did wrestle a suitcase out of the attic.

I also need to leave instructions for The Man on how to appease the sea monkey tribe. It will involve sea salt, one of those plastic scuba divers that goes up and down in an aquarium, and a ritual sacrifice of a fancy goldfish, (No, not the regular ten-for-a-buck goldfish. We're not chumming, here. That would spur a sea monkey frenzy the likes of which have never been seen before.) There's a delicate balance when dealing with the bathtub sea monkeys. You don't want to incur their wrath.

So once the how-to instructions to mollify the sea monkeys are written, I can get on to the ordeal of packing. It's times like this that my deeply repressed girlie tendencies surface. I always over-pack. You never know what might crop up. I know we're going out for drinks on Friday night. But with the spring weather, there's no telling what it will be like by then. So I pack sandals and flats. A short sleeved nice shirt and a long sleeved nice shirt. A skirt and nice jeans or pants. All for a couple hours at the local Applebees. *shakes head at own pathetic-ness*

The urge can't be squelched. Two complete and mix-matchable outfits will be packed and taking up precious space in the very small rolling carry-on that I was able to wrest from the clutches of the piles of junk in the attic.

All is worth it, though, to go away for three days with other writers, lock yourself away in a room (or not), get meals taken care of for you and just write. That is a little slice of paradise if you ask me. And I. Cant. Wait!!!

Random Thoughts While Mowing the Driveway

I wonder if I'll get the hex signs on the barn before it falls down?

I wonder if hex signs really work? Maybe they'll keep the Jehovah's Witnesses at bay.

Maybe if I don't mow the front yard, that will deter the Jehovah's Witnesses.

If I just let the grass overtake the whole yard, maybe I could get thrown in jail, because right now, a jail term seems synonymous with spa getaway.

If I took all these grass clippings and laid them out back on the big field the fire department has behind my house, spelling UFOs LAND HERE would they come and take me away?

I wonder if I could write a convincing paranormal story where the weeds have an uprising?

Oh. The driveway's done.

Guess it's time for the yard.

More Youtube

I know, I know. I should be trying to write something pithy and entertaining instead of posting other pithy and entertaining people, but Flight of the Conchords are hilarious. They're self described as "the fourth most popular parody folk group in New Zealand." Be sure to follow the links to other clips of theirs. Business Time and Albi the Racist Dragon are a few of my favorites. As before, enjoy!

How's Your Economy Going?

Alright, citizens. There's profanity in this clip so if you don't like the cussin', you know what to do.



Glad someone could find some humor in the state of the economy. Enjoy!

Hello, Satan?

"Hello, Satan? Yes, I'd like to book a table?"

"At the moment, for one, but you may want to keep a few chairs handy, I think I might be joined by some friends."

"Yeah. Ok. I'd like it to be in the non-smoking section, please."

"Oh. There isn't a non-smoking section. Alright. Hmmm. Could it be in a quiet, corner? Maybe something a little intimate and cozy?"

"Yes, as far away from the screaming and fiery pits as possible would be nice. Thanks."

"Okay. See you then!"

Yes the Jehovah's Witnesses were back. Don't worry. I dispatched them quickly. No, not under the loose boards of my porch.

The sad thing is, I don't think I've seen the last of her. I'm getting the feeling she's attached herself like a pit bull to my ass. Like I'm some pet project of hers. I'll fix her. Even if I have to turn the hose on her.

Damn, I wish I had those flying monkeys.

A Few Truths I'm Learning the Hard Way

Truth #1 - Public service and volunteerism urges in me should be squelched at all costs.

Truth #2 - Saying no is a very good thing that's difficult to do.

Truth #3 - When people know you can't say no, they treat you like a broken ATM that spits out fifties instead of twenties.

Truth #4 - Wanting to write is a sick affliction that doesn't turn off no matter how overbooked or tired of mundane life tasks you become. The damn story won't let you the hell alone!

Side note to Micah - Yes, I know where I left you. Yes, I know how close you are to getting it on in the woods with Leigha. Yes, I am familiar with blue ball terminology. Chill! You'll do the deed as soon as I can find two spare seconds to open your damn WIP! Quit bugging me!!!!!

Truth # 5 - A four day vacation in my bathtub with the sea monkey tribe to keep me company, and claiming I went on a Carnival Cruise is perfectly sane.

Back to the grind. Hope your grind is better than mine right now!

Really: with Seth and Amy

I love this segment on SNL. It was hard for me to choose which one to share.



I need a Really segment for my missing Richard Simmons on the sacred list - See previous post.

That is all, citizens!

How Did I Miss Him?!?!?!

For a recap, check this post and this post.

Richard Simmons!!!

How did I miss him the first TWO times?

There's something seriously wrong with me. Geez. Sorry citizens. I'll try to improve. Gotta watch me every minute or else I'll start slacking.