Send The Mojo

So things have been rough around Chez Quinn recently. The Man spent seven hours in the E.R. yesterday, but we confirmed that the pain in his left arm is not heart related. It's muscle related. Which is a big relief. But I really could use some better Juju around this place. I'm feeling a little like this Muddy Waters song.



Until next time, Citizens. Gotta say though, that my super villainy plans are sounding more and more reasonable.

Surviving The Strain On The Crazy Train

So, I'm drowning in my annual kid science days. I only got eight parent volunteers this year as opposed to 21 and 25 the two previous years. I have a new principal who doesn't know what he's doing and apparently lacks the ability to answer emails.

The first of the two days is this Friday, and I've done virtually everything myself. It's been a nightmare of epic proportions. So directly after I take 140 first and second graders tromping through the woods from science station to science station with seven teachers and eight parent volunteers, I'll be retreating to the hermetically sealed environs of My Happy Place.

Until it's time to do it again with 200 third, fourth and fifth graders next month.

Speaking of elementary schoolers. Why in the world didn't they offer a program like this when I was a kid? This ROCKS!!



They also perform Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix and James Brown. Among others.

If I survive, I will see you all next time, Citizens. Though I may be forced back into super villainy. Only time will tell.

Happy Easter, Peep Style!

I hope all who celebrate have a peaceful and happy Easter.



Enjoy some Peep fun!

What? A Re-Run You Say?

While all my blogging buddies are working their tuckuses (Tucki? Tuckus-es? hmmm.) off for the awesome April A to Z Challenge, I'm busy passing off a 2013 re-run. I bow my head in shame. All the same, enjoy this medicinally induced trip down memory lane. And to all my A to Z friends, I'll be stopping in tonight to root you on!!

Curse You, Head Cold I Was Unprepared For!

So I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom two days ago, rummaging around in the cabinet under the sink, looking for cold medicine. Which we apparently hadn't restocked from last year. I sat there, in my mucus haze, cursing the little three year old glazed-doughnut-monsters that had passed on their crusty germs to me and looking for anything that might provide relief.

This is how The Man stumbled upon me as I dazedly contemplated the decade old Benadryl in my hand, trying to remember what I knew about half-life potency of certain drugs. Which, whether sick or healthy, is pretty much diddly over squat.

Cautiously, like approaching an injured animal in the wild, The Man asked, "Whatcha got there?"

Clutching the medicine that expired in 2003 to my chest like it's My Preciousssss, I replied, "Nothing."

"Nothing, huh?"

"Just some medicine I think I might take."

"Lemme see it."

I shook my head, wishing immediately that I hadn't.

He gave me that disapproving look, the one he saves for when I've really gone off the reservation. The one that's part, "Do we really have to ride this train?" and "Why do I always have to be the responsible adult?"

After much coaxing and bribery by alcohol, he got me to release the medicine and brought me some whiskey with honey and lemon in it, which I sipped until he came back from the store with Nyquil and day time cough medicine.

That Man, I tell you. He's a keeper.

So I've been sick and wishing I could stay in bed, but nursery school duty calls and I must obey--since I'm hoping to give the germs right back to those little critters!

Anywho, until next time, Citizens, when I'll be talking about music and writing. Stay healthy! And if you see any little glazed doughnut monsters wiping their noses on their sleeves. . .  head the other way!

A Kick In The Ass I Need

I posted this video on the blog over six years ago, and it's just the kick in the ass I need.



Please know that I'm



Hoping all is well with you, Citizens.

I'm Not Really Here

Hi everyone. I've suffered a large personal disappointment and am having a tough time bouncing back into writing the funny stuff I'm known for around here. You know I don't get heavy on my blog, so I've been staying quiet. Please bear with me while I work through this. I will hopefully be back to my regular crazy soon. Until then, know I miss you guys. I'll try to make it around to some blogs soon.

Thanks.

~Ava

Happy Late Valentine's Day!

Happy late Valentine's Day, Citizens. The flu ravaged through our house this weekend, so we might have a do-over on the holiday next weekend.

Hope everyone else's was awesome. Tell me what you did in the comments so I can live vicariously through you!

Have You Heard The News?

Hi, everybody! I hinted two posts ago that I had some news. Some of you saw it on Twitter earlier this week, but in case you missed it, I wanted to let you know that I signed with Patricia Nelson of the Marsal Lyon Literary Agency.

I got The Call on January 23rd. And I did a lot of nervous talking. I'd been terrified anxiety-ridden worried that I wouldn't remember to be home to take the call. I know. You scoff, but after sleeping through not one, but two college finals, I've learned to be uber vigilant. So to remind myself and to smile whenever I passed it, I wrote it on our chalkboard.

The Urchins decorated it for me.

I'm really excited to be working with Patricia and to be a part of MLLA. I'll be starting revisions soon, which I'm looking forward to. I'm one of those deranged psychopathic polka-loving super villainous weird people who loves editing more than drafting.

It's only been five days since I signed, and now that some of the euphoria has let up, the ohmygodareyoucrazy has started to scratch at my back door. Those terrifying what ifs. What if I can't write the next book? What if everyone hates a pool hustler heroine? (It did get rejected by a publisher last month because of that.) What if I can't pull off book three? Or four for that matter?!? JEEZ What was I thinking? Someone get me a paper bag to breathe in. STAT!!



 But it hasn't escalated to total paralysis yet, so... yay!

I still have the science days that I'm planning for the Urchins' schools to do in the next few months. Which takes a lot of my time, but not as much as last year.

Now I have to talk myself into cutting back on all the volunteering I do. Speaking of which, I never did show pictures from the New Year's Eve Breeches Drop. Below, find Baby Breeches, the smaller yellow breeches that are dropped for the kids' count down at 10pm.

Lit up pants being lowered. No, the blue-haired old ladies weren't lit when they thought of this idea.

So that's the big news. I'm still in shock. Tomorrow I have my writers' meeting and will do a little celebrating there. And The Man will be taking the Urchins and myself out to dinner next week to officially celebrate my agented status.

I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend! And know that the craziness will be returning to Tongue In Cheek soon. Especially since I have a new obsession. No, not sideburn art. Not yarn bombing by vigilante knitters either. You'll just have to wait and see.

Until next time, Citizens!!

Loni Townsend's Sea Monkey Interview

Hi everyone! Please welcome Loni Townsend to Tongue In Cheek today. Loni, Tell us a little about yourself.

Loni Townsend
Wife. Mother. Writer. Ninja. Squirrel.

By day, she writes code. By predawn darkness, she writes fantasies. All other times, she writes in her head.

People call her peculiar with a twisted sense of fashion, but don't let those understatements fool you. Her behavior is perfectly normal for a squirrel disguised as a human. That's part of being a ninja—blending in.

She makes her home in Idaho with her sadistically clever—yet often thwarted—husband, two frighteningly brilliant children, and three sneaky little shibas.

Find her on her blog or social media.

Contact info:
Blog — http://www.lonitownsend.com
Facebook — http://www.facebook.com/squirreltalk
Twitter — https://www.twitter.com/LoniTownsend
Google+ — http://www.google.com/+LoniTownsend
Goodreads — https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7390512.Loni_Townsend

A.Q. - Thanks for agreeing to answer some interview questions about yourself and your new book.

Thank you for having me on your blog! I must say, the first time I came across your blog was when Melissa Maygrove linked to the boxing squirrels for the A-Z challenge. I couldn’t resist. I mean, squirrels! How could anyone resist them?

A.Q. -Exactly! So, What is your book about?

I always seize up when it comes to this question. It’s about a girl… Oh, wait, you mean I can just show you what’s on the back of the book? Well if that’s all it takes…

It’s her first day on a new world and Cera’s already found trouble. Michael, her guardian, has been bitten by a zombie and will soon join the undead ranks.

Everyone tells her there’s no cure, but Cera isn’t one to be deterred. She’s willing to face off with zombie hordes, demon slavers, and black market informants if it means she’ll find a cure for Michael. But she’s not the only one hunting for something.

Something is hunting her.

A.Q. - That sounds awesome. Can you share an interesting behind the scenes tidbit about your story?

I have a cannibalistic pygmy in my story! Okay, so that’s not really behind the scenes. But Fues (my pygmy) wasn’t a pygmy when I first conceived him. He was just a tribal huntsman. And he wasn’t a cannibal either. He became a pygmy after I walked up to my husband with the statement, “hey, I need help with an idea,” and my husband (not knowing at all what I was referring to) blurted, “add a cannibalistic pygmy.” It didn’t solve the problem I was working on at the time, but Fues morphed in that moment from just a tribal guy to a pygmy.

A.Q. - Lol! What is your favorite part of the story writing process?

My favorite part is staring off into space and watching the scene play out in my head. I occasionally mumble lines along with my characters. Usually my husband asks, “You’re thinking about your book, aren’t you?”

A.Q. - Writing can be such an isolated enterprise. Yet, I’m sure there are people who have helped, guided or inspired you along the way to becoming a published author. Could you tell us about one of them and how they helped you?

Inspired, yes. My husband is one of my inspirations. He’ll shout out ideas, meaning them completely in jest, and I’ll use them. Like Fues, mentioned above. He also said, “hey, wouldn’t it be cool if a zombie was haunted by its own ghost?” And thus, This World Bites was born.

A.Q. - Fantastic. What are you working on now/next?

I have two main projects and then a third I want to finish before the year is out. First and foremost on my mind is Isto, book 2 of the ninier series. I have a ton written for this book, but I keep tripping up on flow and timeline. So things keep changing. The second main project is a novella called Lust. It’s part of a collection I’m working on with six other authors. We’re each taking one of the deadly sins. The last project is Murder Most Fowl, the next Cera Chronicle. I wrote super quick installments for the A-Z challenge, but I want to fill it out, clean it up, and actually turn it into a good novella.

Now for the S.A.T. portion of the interview:

Fill in the blank –
If I were a villain, I would have _mechanical squirrels_ for minions to deliver my wrath because _we’re all a little nuts_______.  (And remember, sea monkeys are already spoken for. Mostly)

Sea Monkeys are to __Squirrels____ as zombie stinkbugs are to __sharks with lasers___.


A.Q. - Please tell us where we can find out more about you and where we can buy your books.

If you really do want to know more about me, I recommend my blog at  HYPERLINK. You can buy both of my books on Amazon, though This World Bites is also available through other stores.

This World Bites – Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/This-World-Bites-Townsend-Loni-ebook/dp/B00S74T0SO








Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/24481680-this-world-bites
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/This-World-Bites-Townsend-Loni-ebook/dp/B00S74T0SO/
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/books/1121064991?ean=9781941022047
Kobo: http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/this-world-bites
 
A.Q. - Thanks again for stopping in!

Thanks again for having me!

There's An Old Saying...

When you're ass deep in alligators, you tend to forget that your original job was to drain the swamp.

That about sums up life over here at Chez Quinn. Urchins are still sick. Youngest also has an infected ingrown toenail. My father-in-law was in the hospital again, but has been discharged. Two full critiques to finish before the end of the month. And Environmental Field Day.

What's that last one? (Feel free to skip this boring paragraph and watch the video below. It says the same thing, only differently.) 140 first and second graders one day. 190 3rd - 5th graders another. I write a curriculum for each on an environmental theme. Same topic, different age appropriate activities. I shop for all supplies, but create most from scratch. All outdoors at the local state park. 20 or so volunteers to make it work. 10 teachers. 4 buses. I'm in the activity and learning creation stage right now. Lots of research and lesson planning. When I can find the time.



But I'm refusing to let the Tongue In Cheek Year In Review Post be one day later than it is. So without further whiny excuses, here it is.

2014 Tongue In Cheek Year In Review

January
I revealed that I got an R and R from a publisher and asked you all to chime in on how to achieve balance in my life. I heeded all of your advice, applied it and am now a better person. (see above. Then see name of this blog.) I also went on a convoluted, conspiracy ridden tangent on why people should start wearing desks as the ultimate wardrobe accessory. I also did the 2013 Year in Review, and posted two reruns featuring Elvis sightings and dangerous polkas.

February
I lost a wonderful friend to ALS. I took notes on how to party hard from the 3 year olds and wished I could sport a rockin' diet coke mustache. I shared the conversation I had with my youngest Urchin in the public restroom about best uses of The Force for toilet flushing. And I expounded on the intimate relationship I was developing with the spinning beach ball of death on my dying computer. Among other things.

March
I wondered if I should AtoZ. I got a new computer. (yay!) I wished everyone a Happy St. Patrick's day via certain Muppets singing Danny Boy. Then the Scottish had their hilarious, bawdy say. I revealed my AtoZ theme, asking all the probing questions that arise here at Tongue in Cheek re: Polkapocalypses, 'Possum Queens, super villany, etc. And I shared something beautiful.

April
April was the A to Z Challenge. I am so glad I participated (but I won't be able to this year). My theme was "She Actually Posted That?-The best reruns this blog has to offer." There was super villainy, Hostile Polka takeovers, Zombie Stinkbugs, The merits of the mullet, my tribute to sideburn art, awkward taxidermy, conspiracy theories linking Bratz dolls to the imminent alien invasion, much 'Possum Queenin' and lots more of the run of the mill craziness that ensues here at Tongue In Cheek. And a good time was had by most.

May
Author interviews prevailed during the merry, merry month of May. Melissa Maygrove, Sara Walter Ellwood, and Victoria Smith all rocked the Sea Monkey SAT portion of the interview. I tortured harangued took complete advantage of The Man as he was trapped in the mini van with me for four hours by bouncing ideas off him about a plot point for my next book. The conversation went like most of our conversations. Those of you who've been around a while, know what I mean. I also went to paradise, aka writers' retreat.

June
The fabulous Marci Koski nominated me for a Liebster Award. I accepted. With vigor. And a side of crazy, but you guessed that already, I'm sure. I helped reveal Carol Kilgore's cover for Secrets of Honor. Beautimous! And I treated you all to another rerun. Wasn't that nice of me?

July
I found out that Earth has a club. And most likely a manifesto. A long one. Crystal Collier revealed her cover for Soulless. Gorgeous! I reposted an enduring question for the ages and used Barbie, Ken, GI Joe and The Princess Bride to illustrate it. Then I gave you a rerun in which we have even more fun with taxidermied squirrels. Plus lamented about the difficulties that dog every one of The Urchins' birthday parties. All while I was camping for two weeks. ...Why are you looking at me that way?

August
I was kidnapped by Carnies. And then some other stuff happened.

September
While on vacation, I saved my family from a goat reeking devil phone pole. When asked to describe myself for the wonderful Melissa Maygrove's Follow Fest, I wrote, "I recently escaped from evil kidnapping carny folk. I love roller derby, the hermetically sealed environs of my happy place and riding my motorcycle."

October
I asked for advice on how to hide all my crazy when talking to agents and editors at the NJRW conference. And then I took you on an unholy trek to the land of hideous mumus. And it was epic.

November
Crystal Collier traversed the author interview and Sea Monkey SATs. I shared how I mercilessly tortured Peeps over a campfire, and I related a crazy childhood story to illustrate the power of words. Among other things.

December
I was very distracted. I wished you Merry Christmas using Elvis. And I shared the concept of one word new years resolutions. All while presiding over the infamous New Year's Eve Breeches Drop hosted by the blue haired old ladies and their overworked minion. (me)

So that's all the crazy of 2014 in a really huge nutshell. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

As for 2015, I may have some really exciting news to reveal in the next couple of weeks.

AAAANND, Loni Townsend will be here next month to take the Tongue In Cheek author interview, complete with Sea Monkey SATs. Be sure to stop in to check it out.

Until next time, Citizens!