Hi again all my new AtoZ friends! I'm Ava and I'm bringing you up to speed with some of my menagerie of mayhem around here at Tongue In Cheek by giving you a bunch of crazy reruns. Back in 2009 I acquired a zealot who made house calls and who wouldn't take no for an answer. She persisted to try and save me three times. Below you will find the transcripts of each altercation. Enjoy!
So I'm at home on this rainy Tuesday, feeling sick. (Big frickin'
surprise, I've been sick since the beginning of March.) And there's a
tentative knock on my only-used-by-strangers front door that is semi
blocked by crap and only opens half-way. The dogs go ballistic, and I
get ready for the inevitable.
Yes. It's the Jehovah's Witnesses.
I'm usually a polite person. They're following their doctrine, and I
can respect that. But when the person you're trying to convert is
hacking all over you and not inviting you in and trying politely to let
you know that they're not interested and holding back the hounds of hell
so they don't tear your throat out and is not feeling well, STFU and
leave them be!
Now, not only do they not shut up, and I
can't shut the door because then one of my dogs would get cut in half,
but they wrap up their spiel trying to elicit a promise from me that
I'll read over their pamphlet and talk to them about it when I'm done.
come to my house and assign me frickin' homework! WTH?! Do you think
you're going to administer a pop quiz when you get back? The woman
actually said, "I want you to promise me that you'll read over this
literature so when we come back we can discuss it."
are you fucking nuts? If you do come back, I don't care about the busy
road in front of my house, I'm releasing the hounds. Do you really think
I want to discuss anything with a person so driven by doctrine that you
have no common sense or courtesy for the sick? Do you really think I
want to choose my faith from a door to door salesman? Do you really
believe that because I'm a polite person and didn't back you off my
property with a gun in your face that I'm going to invite you in for a
coffee clatch about your propoganda rag?
Suffice it to
say, nice ended and snarky stepped up. I replied, "If you do come back,
you'd better bring some different wares to sell because I ain't buying
what you're shilling now." And shut the door.
Yeah, I'm going to Hell, but I knew that way before they hit my front porch.
"Hello, Satan? Yes, I'd like to book a table."
"At the moment, for one, but you may want to keep a few chairs handy, I think I might be joined by some friends."
"Yeah. Ok. I'd like it to be in the non-smoking section, please."
There isn't a non-smoking section. All right. Hmmm. Could it be in a
quiet, corner? Maybe something a little intimate and cozy?"
"Yes, as far away from the screaming and fiery pits as possible would be nice. Thanks."
"Okay. See you then!"
Yes the Jehovah's Witnesses were back. Don't worry. I dispatched them quickly. No, not under the loose boards of my porch.
sad thing is, I don't think I've seen the last of her. I'm getting the
feeling she's attached herself like a pit bull to my ass. Like I'm some
pet project. I'll fix her. Even if I have to turn the hose on
Damn, I wish I had those flying monkeys.
Can You Believe It?!?
The Jehovah's Witnesses came back! AGAIN! They were just here. I, in polite
but no uncertain terms, told them not to darken my door ever again.
woman had the audacity to tell me that I asked her to come back! Now,
what person in their right mind would ask the JW's to come back?
Seriously? Who? Especially at nine o'clock in the morning! If you've
been following the saga,(here and here) you know I definitely did not.
now some delusional zealot is out there unleashed on the unsuspecting
populace, knocking on doors in her sensible shoes, and pestering others.
Hmmm. I'm okay with that, I've taken my share of
abuse. It's time to spread it around a little. In fact, I gave her Vicki and Natalie's addresses, and told her they would love to sit and chat
Well, gotta go. I'm too busy laughing evilly and rubbing my hands together to type any more. Have a good weekend!